Radical Ideas?

I'm realizing that some of you must think I am crazy. In an earlier post, I made some radical suggestions. Do away with Children's Liturgy of the Word? Abolish nurseries and cry rooms? Get rid of the convenience of Sunday morning religious education classes?  I think it's important you see how these issues have been addressed on Catholic blogs and in Catholic publications in recent years. Every post I've read validates what I have experienced as an aunt and stepmom or heard from dozens, if not hundreds, of parents I have worked with over the years.

As you see how many others agree with me about the concerns on these programs, I hope you can come to appreciate my vision for parish reform. None of these changes need to take place overnight. In fact, they should be part of a 3, 5 or 10 year vision (depending how much reform you feel is necessary in your parish) to change the minds and hearts of parents while offering them tools and practical alternatives. I also think you see it's important to truly evaluate if these programs and ideas are more for parental convenience or are truly in the best spiritual interests of the children in your parish.

In this post  I'll address each of these topics as well as link to other Catholic authors and bloggers who have addressed these topics.I don't agree 100% with each link I post, but it will offer a varied perspective. I will also  provide practical alternatives so if/when your parish decides a change is needed, they have some practical ideas to build their plan. Brace yourself- I'm going to provide tons of links in this post. If you agree with me, great. If you are skeptical, the links are there so you can read/see what others are saying.

Last year, the Catholic blogosphere blew up with comments after Deacon Greg addressed the sensitive topic of dhildren crying during Mass. I followed his page and several others in the coming days as they wrote about this frustrating topic. No one likes a screaming child during Mass, but we need to know, accept, and appreciate that babies cry. Loudly. Suddenly. For no reason at all. Parents need to be able to discern when their child needs a 5 minute time out in the back of church or when a pacifier, bottle, or cuddle will bring a swift end to the disruption. Children belong in Mass. I believe children should be brought to Mass weekly and that much can be done to make Mass a calm, relaxing, loving, and positive experience for all.

Cry rooms do have their place, but in many parishes, they have become glorified toy rooms. Parents sit while their children play, often loudly, with toys bearing no religious significance. No one can hear Mass over the noise and parents get little to nothing out of Mass except the relief of not being glared at when their child makes childlike noises or engages in childlike behavior during Mass. A cry room should be a place where parents can take that loud or unruly infant/toddler (or special needs individual) to get the tantrum out before returning to Mass. Cry rooms should have some comfy chairs for mothers who don't wish to nurse in the sanctuary (though this doesn't bother me... or Pope Francis!). There should be hymnals and missalettes to encourage ongoing participation in the liturgy. Soft lighting will provide a soothing environment. If there are any other items, they should be geared towards prayer, not play. A good selection of children's missals and maybe some large rosaries or dolls of saints should be about it. Make it a holy, sacred place as well... a continuation of the sanctuary. Most of all, let's remember that some crying/noise in church is necessary and a beautiful sign of life in abundance!

Children should be welcome everywhere in church. Not just in Mass, but adoration as well. Read the heartbreaking story of a mother who was discouraged from bringing her children to adoration. We need more little ones in adoration, not fewer! At one parish I worked, they not only offered perpetual adoration but, also, a Family Hour once/month where cries, giggling, wiggling, and noise are celebrated, all in Christ's presence. Praise God! Family Hours should not take the place of kids going to adoration with parents, but it's a great way to introduce adoration unless/until your children are ready for more quiet prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament. The little girl in the story above is definitely ready for as much time as she can get with our Lord.

I used to volunteer in the church nursery when I was a young girl. Children were running around, screaming, yelling... nothing holy or sacred took place there. The problem I see with nurseries is that it implies to children that Mass is boring and/or not for them. Once they hit the age of 3, 4, or 5 we expect them to start sitting through Mass and behaving? Probably won't happen without lots of fights, stress, and tears. If they've been eased into it from infancy, it is likely to go much smoother.

But getting kids to sit through Mass is hard, especially if parents have a large family with several infants/toddlers. The answer is simple, in my opinion. Get a team of willing individuals (widows and widowers, teens needing service hours, couples waiting to become parents, etc.) to serve as family helpers. You can either have a system where parents and volunteers can sign up to be paired at specified Mass time or have these volunteers with designated badges in the back of church available on a first-come, first-served basis. How often are your kids better behaved for strangers than for you? An extra adult/teen in the pew could allow you to separate fighting little ones, pass off a sleeping baby but still keep the family together for prayer and worship. I've had many friends say how easy Mass would be if they just had "one more adult with them" or "an extra set of hands". GIVE THEM THAT! This builds a sense of family and community within your parish and helps families pray together. Can I get an, 'Amen'?

Just as nurseries convince children that Mass isn't for them, Children's Liturgy of the Word (CLOW) can have the same impact on slightly older children. At age 10, I served on the altar some weeks and was dismissed during the readings on other weeks. What kind of confusing message did that deliver? Often, CLOW is well-meaning volunteers offering a watered-down version of the gospel and/or a craft or activity page designed to teach what the readings are. Rarely, in my opinion, do children receive spiritual benefits from this time. Granted, they aren't wiggling and distracting parents in the pews, but is the craft or activity page going to help them grow in their faith? I would prefer to see CLOW be done as intended, which is with a deacon or priest delivering an age-appropriate homily after proclaiming the gospel. I think children would get far greater benefits staying in the pew but being handed age-appropriate materials such as my Liturgical Reflections to provide understanding and application of the readings. I much prefer children do these reflections before Mass, but I realize some parents like giving the kids something to do in the pews. I think it's a better alternative than dismissing them to make a sheep puppet or draw Zacchaeus in a tree. Other Catholic bloggers tend to agree with me here so I know my ideas aren't too far-fetched.

Lastly, let's address Sunday Religious Education classes. First of all, many of us know that the traditional methods of religious education need much attention, change, and revision. There are many ways to do this. Perhaps, your parish has found an ideal Mass schedule where kids get to RE without disruption of the Mass and the majority of parents follow/precede class with family Mass attendance. This is great, but I've rarely seen it in my years of experience.

What did God intend for Sabbath to be? For worship and rest. Traditional RE classes are not about worship and it's certainly far from rest. Sunday has always been a family day of worship and rest in my parents' home (where I'm temporarily living): Mass attendance followed by leisurely reading of the paper or watching TV (often in the same room), Sunday dinner with the whole family, (brother, niece, brother's fiance & sister's boyfriend come when they can), and an afternoon of napping or watching TV. It's peaceful, quiet, and relaxing. I <3 it, but I know that returning to full-time ministry will likely mean working every Sunday morning and having to attend Saturday or Sunday night Mass so as not to conflict with when I'm working. This means, DREs are rarely at Mass with the families they are serving. What a travesty, in my opinion.

In this country, we've developed an attitude that Religious Education classes should be offered at the most convenient possible times for families- when the kids don't have conflicts with school, sports, or other activities. I agree that religious education needs to be accessible and I appreciate that Sundays might be an ideal day. However,I challenge you to rethink what accessible/convenient RE looks like. There are an amazing number of different models for Religious Education including, but not limited to:

• Text-based programs
• Montessori-based (Catechesis of the Good Shepherd)
• special needs religious education
• whole family catechesis
• homeschooling options (using text-based curricula)

I think an ideal parish will offer as many of these options as possible so busy families can choose the method that works best for them and their children, rather than the most ideal day/time. Larger parishes will ALWAYS have to have several days and times, but home school and whole family catechesis options force families to (appropriately) decide on their priorities. Do they want to have a catechist instruct their child or are they willing/able to take on that responsibility themselves? I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here since there are so many different circumstances and situations that change things. If they want a catechist to instruct their child, they will find a way to make it work and reschedule their child's other activities. I do not want to do away with parishes offering religious education, but with the complicated schedules of kids these days, I think we are having to think outside the box. I do think whole family catechesis and home school families should check in monthly (or so) with the pastor or DRE to ensure they are on track with their peers.

Sunday scheduling of RE is so tough because you have to cancel for many 3-day weekends throughout the year. It's very tough to get a reasonable number of hours of instruction in on any day other than Tuesday-Thursday. I think Tuesdays and Thursdays should provide both afternoon and evening options to give families choices (4-5:30 and 6-7:30, for instance). Those days/times can also be used for monthly check-ins or group activities with families opting to home school or use whole family catechesis.

DREs, how many of you have had parents tell you, "Billy can't come these 8 weeks because of (insert commitment here)" or ask if their child can bounce back and forth between your different days/times to accommodate their schedules? Parents, how many of you have asked your DRE to do this? If the current days/times don't work with your child's activities, are you ready to make some tough choices? I feel for parents and DREs in these situations, but we need to think outside the box. Parents, could you:

• Ban together with other church parents to request a team  or organization move their game/practice/rehearsal times to allow time for worship and religious instruction? 
• Ask your DRE if you can home school your children to accommodate their busy/erratic schedules?
• Offer to teach the kids on a given team, with the guidance of your DRE, outside of the church so you can best meet their needs without placing demands on the parish?

DREs and pastors, what  other creative options do you have for these families? I'm sure there are great ideas, so let's hear them!

Getting ready for Mass

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to Mass we go...  How many of you spend your Sunday mornings hustling people out of bed, getting them into decent clothes and fed, rushed into the car and often end up racing into Mass as the priest is heading up the aisle. Kids are fighting in the car and parents are yelling. Ugh. It's no wonder we enter Mass worked up and no one gets much out of it. What are some things your family can start doing to make Sundays more prayerful and less hectic?

First of all, look at the day/time you're attending Mass. Would Saturday evening be less hectic? Is Sunday morning the most ideal? Don't feel guilty about that Last Chance Mass on Sunday night if it works well with your household's schedule. We all get attached to "our" Mass, but with children you need to be flexible. If you're attending in the morning, these suggestions may make the morning easier:

• Laying out clothes the night before (Have an extra outfit in mind if you have a potty-training toddler or a baby who's likely to spit up on you on your way out the door.)
• Having a simple, continental breakfast before Mass as opposed to cooking a large meal (Especially if it's fruit and granola bars or something you can set out the night before, it should make the morning easier.)
• Earlier bedtimes on Saturday night
• Baths/showers before bed Saturday as opposed to in the morning
• Moving the clocks ahead 10-15 minutes to give yourself that extra cushion

Whenever you go to Mass, plan to arrive 15-20 minutes early. This give you a buffer when you have delays getting out the door. It also provides time to hit the bathrooms when you arrive at Mass. Insist on this either just before leaving home and/or just before walking into church. It's not a 100% guarantee, but it may cut down on bathroom trips during Mass. 

What does your typical drive or walk to Mass look like? If driving, find some soothing music (classical? Gregorian chant?) to help calm everyone's nerves. Insist that the ride or walk to Mass be quiet and/or have discussions about Mass. As you get into the car or leave the house, remind everyone to let go of the other cares of the day: no yelling, no fighting, and no asking about going for pizza after Mass. What are things you are thankful for this week? What intentions does your family want to hold in prayer at Mass? Most importantly, what gifts are you bringing to God today? Perhaps, use an app such as Laudate to read the readings, or at least the gospel, on the way and discuss it. If you use a tool such as my Liturgical Reflections to better understand the readings, have the kids use those in the car (as opposed to during Mass). 

Do not let your children bring toys, blankets, books, etc. into the car unless they are for Mass use. Consider having a bag for each child containing a rosary, children's bible, and/or children's missalette- only the few items they may need to aid in prayer- that you distribute in the car en route to Mass. This way, they know that only those items are permissible once inside. If the car is filled with toys, dolls, juice boxes, and rattles you can guarantee someone will pitch a fit about not being able to bring that item into church with them. If they need those items for going somewhere after Mass, pack them in the trunk and keep them out of sight. 

By arriving 15-20 minutes early, you can quietly get out the wiggles in a calm way. Visit a statue or light a candle before Mass. Do you have a separate Adoration Chapel? Have someone pick seats while the little ones go say a prayer in front of Jesus. Let them continue using Liturgical Reflections in the pew or reading a children's bible, provided they know it gets put away once Mass begins. If the hymns are posted, look them up before Mass. Encourage older siblings to quietly read from the children's bible or missalette to the younger ones. 

Create a system where the kids pick seats at Mass- perhaps having a rotating basis so each child takes turns. Giving everyone a say might make them more agreeable. Most young kids don't like the back- they prefer the front so they can see everything. Give them this chance. You might be surprised that they will step up their behavior so as to enjoy the privilege of sitting where they want. 

It might seem tougher to keep children quiet/still at Mass longer, but I've found the opposite to be true. That extra few minutes in church before Mass can calm and relax everyone, making the Mass experience more pleasant for you and those around you. What Mass routines has your family created that help all to enjoy the experience?

UPDATE (7/12/14):

Acquaintance, Katie Choudhary, is CGS catetchist at the Cathedral of St. Raymond Nonnatus in Joliet, IL. On Facebook this morning, Katie posted: Do you recognize anything from today's Gospel? Preparing the children for mass is an awesome gift we can give them. It helps them focus their attention as they hear key phrases they remember from when you read it earlier together! We sit in the recliner and read the Gospel (from our NRSV bible) on Sunday morning before mass. They sit on my lap and I read it straight out of the bible to them. Some days it works better than others and sometimes I cut it short. Today's Gospel was a PERFECT one ! I ended right before Jesus started to explain why He uses parables to teach. 

SHARED WITH PERMISSION

Thanks, Katie, for this perfect example of how preparing children for Mass can lead to the fruits of their faith. Children show a deep understanding of theology, when given the chance/resources. My Liturgical Reflections are for parents who don't feel capable/confident in guiding their children in this way and/or children who haven't experienced CGS. In CGS, kids learn to be open to hearing complex scripture stories and exploring them through their own "free art". Katie's calling to read sacred scripture with her children is her own and not inspired by my suggestion, but I want you to witness the beauty of like-minded thinking parents/catechists. 

Older children (ages 6-10) and Mass attendance

Oh, joy! Your children are old enough to not **need** toys, bathroom breaks, or snacks during Mass. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean they are any less antsy or less difficult to bring to Mass. At that age, my siblings and I were whiny, leaned on Mom & Dad regularly, asked if we could go to coffee and donuts every 5 minutes, and tried to crush one another with a death grip during the Our Father (back in the good, old, hand-holding days of 1986!!). What's a parent to do?

First of all, take time to discern if your child even understands the basics of the liturgy. Can they identify and articulate the Liturgy of the Word versus the Liturgy of the Eucharist? Do they have memorized most of the prayers/responses? Can they follow along with longer prayers using the missalette? Few of these are articulated with regularity in the curricula most of your schools or religious education programs are using. This isn't bad, but we must remember that religion classes are meant to support and supplement the spirituality of the child as lived in the home and at church. Your child may learn every 2 or 3 years about the different parts of the Mass or have some of these prayers (Gloria, Nicene Creed, Our Father, etc.) touched on in various lessons, but they often don't take time to explore the meaning.

Regular Mass attendance (minimum of each Sunday and Holy Days of Obligation) are the only way for children to grasp and retain the ebbs and flows of the Mass. On a recent Sunday evening, my 8 year-old niece asked if we were "almost done" while praying after Communion. Due to custody issues, she is only able to attend Mass about twice/month but I thought, by now, she surely knew enough that after Communion we only had one more prayer and hymn to go. Guess not. You may think your children know what's going on and what to expect, but perhaps they do not.

Which parts of the Mass does each child most like? My niece enjoys any time we are singing and, up until now, very much enjoyed getting to go up with the children to put her envelope in the basket for the children's collection. (Aunt side note: apparently, age 8 and 4 months makes one too told to go up with the other kids and also too grown up for children's tithing envelopes.) She used to look forward to getting her blessing, but excitement waned this last year or two. She kept saying, "when can I get that?" and expressed an eagerness to receive our Lord's Body and Blood. Now, she looks forward to receiving the Eucharist instead of a blessing.

Find out what he/she most enjoys  about Mass and help them find anticipation for those areas. Maybe they most enjoy visiting with school friends after Mass or high-fiving the summer seminarian, but it doesn't matter. Each little thing is worth it. Help them find value in the meaningful experiences at Mass. They will build as you continue working with them.

In the weeks and months before receiving First Communion, remind your child that he/she should be doing their best to show spiritual readiness. This can be done in a variety of ways, but active participation is key. Also, they can begin to grasp this concept of liturgy as the "work of the people". Try to help your child see what work he/she is called to (singing, praying, listening, etc.) to be a full part of Mass and be ready to receive Holy Communion.

Does your child have older siblings on the altar? Remind him/her that participating in the Mass shows you that they are ready for duties that may be available to them soon such as altar serving, children's choirs, etc. If not, do you participate in a ministry they can help with? If you are an usher, see if your parish will allow your child to seat people and pass out bulletins with you. Do you serve as sacristan? Have your child with you, helping, so he/she can see the important steps that go into preparing for Mass. Sometimes, our youngest children see these ministries as "prizes" of becoming older. While helping them to see and know that Mass is always of value whether or not he/she is old enough to receive the Eucharist or old enough to participate in a ministry, I don't think it's bad or wrong to help them set long-term goals of serving in a ministry and reminding them how current attentiveness and participation prepares them for these duties.

After having a great experience with my Pre-K and K Totus Tuus students last week, I was reminded how much our youngest can get out of Mass when given proper tools. Though we didn't attend Mass, we talked a lot about the Luminous Mysteries and spent time exploring how to keep holy the Sabbath. We need to continue to this practice of offering practical, simple, spiritual tools at all ages. I was at Mass this weekend with a relative (raised Catholic) who has been struggling with our faith. He asked me the point of all these prayers, rituals, incense and sequences (this was the Feast of Corpus Christi) that he had never been taught to understand. It saddened me and reminded me how lucky I am to have explored the Mass and other parts of my spiritual life on my own. He is trying to have the faith of a child but he has the cynicism of an adult.

The best thing we can do is help our child explore his/her spiritual life as early as possible. Helping him/her build a relationship with Christ through prayer, the Mass, and Sacraments as early as possible lessens the likelihood of leaving later. That doesn't mean he/she won't have challenges. It doesn't mean he/she won't leave. However, we need to give our youngest the spiritual tools to fight those battles within when those cynical moments arise. I'll have more on that when I address Mass attendance with tweens and teens in my next post.

In the meantime, what specific challenges do you face with children of this age at Mass? Let's dialogue and help one another find solutions. Pax!

Young children (3-6) and Mass attendance

As promised in my post about infants and toddlers during Mass, I'll continue to talk about ways you can help children of different ages engage during the Mass so you have less whining, trips to the cry room, and  climbing on the pews. I cannot guarantee I'll eliminate it completely, but with consistency, I am confident you will have better behaved little ones.

I actually think this is the most fun age to be with kids during Mass. There is so much to teach them and so many ways to engage them. I see so many parents with their children of this age sticking them in the pew with a bag of cheerios, a coloring book, and/or toys. My first piece of advice is: STOP! If you choose to allow anything, make sure it is Catholic in nature and make a plan for weaning off of it. For instance, start by only allowing it during the Liturgy of the Word (put away during the Offertory), then only allow it during the homily, and after 6 months- 1 year, tell them they may no longer bring anything to "do" during Mass.

First of all, try to find a Mass time that works well for your family schedule and doesn't interfere with meal/snack/nap times. Also, find a calming routine for the ride to Mass. It's likely you've spent the last hour feeding,diapering, and dressing little ones. There may have been yelling and tears by the kids and the parents.You need to use the walk/ride to Mass to get focused. You can play religious music in the car (preferably chant to quiet people down and get into that reflective mood), you can discuss what you're thankful for this week, you can practice learning prayers, and/or decide who you want to pray for when you get to church.

I highly recommend trying to get to Mass 10-15 minutes early when you're bringing little ones. This might seem ridiculous. If your children aren't behaving, why would you want to have more time at church with them? Here's why:

• Upon arriving, visit the restrooms and make everyone TRY to go. This will cut down on/eliminate trips during Mass. 
• Use the gathering space or narthex to say 'hi' to friends, visit, and ask any last minute questions not related to Mass. Remind your kids you will only answer questions about church once inside.
• Let them wander a little. Take them to see a statue or stained glass window and discuss it. Pray in front of the tabernacle. Light a candle. Get the wiggles out, but in an appropriate way that gets them ready for Mass.
• Find seats up front, preferably letting the children take turns choosing. Kids do better when they can see all the action and having a say in where they sit will help.
• Assign jobs to your little ones: putting the kneeler up and down, passing out hymnals, and putting the envelope in the basket. Especially until they are only enough to receive the Eucharist, they need ways of feeling their presence is essential. These don't seem "religious" but it will help your child with paying attention to what is happening and when.

During the readings, let your children follow along and help them. I know some people are big on hearing the word of God proclaimed instead of reading it and I don't underestimate this importance. However, your children are going to be asking you "when is it over?" so being able to show them will help. They can learn patience this way. At this age, my niece used the missalette to anticipate her favorite part of Mass: the Alleluia. By age 5, she could find this word on the page and knew how many more readings until that song. Until they are old enough to follow orally and desire to do so, the missalette is a huge help! Plus, you're reinforcing reading skills! Be sure to do the same with ALL the prayers so your children can work on learning them. 

Depending on the context of the readings, you may wish to whisper a 1 or 2 sentence summary of the reading to your child at the end. It can be simple: This reading is about forgiving people. They just talked about listening to your mom and dad. Do the same during the homily. Your children will have more of a desire to sit still and behave if they can understand how this relates to them. If this isn't your forte, check out some samples of the curriculum I'm writing to help with this. I prefer this curriculum being used before Mass, but you may need to use it during until you get the hang of how to help the kids understand what's happening.

Don't be afraid to whisper narrative of other parts of the Mass to children. They will pay more attention if you are helping them understand what is happening and why. "Fr. is going to explain the readings now." "The bread and wine are coming up. They will become Jesus' Body and Blood." "The bread and wine are now Jesus in the Eucharist."

Find out how your church arranges for people to bring up the gifts. Usually, it involves checking with an usher or a sign up method of some sort. This morning, my niece asked to leave 10 minutes earlier than usual in hopes we could take up the gifts. We were too late, but she wasn't disappointed since she understands the system. I'm glad she was so eager to get to Mass and finds ways to make the experience more valuable to her.

A great way my parish engages kids is during the Offertory. Starting a few years ago, the ushers place several baskets around the foot of the altar. Baskets are still passed to the rest of the congregation. Children are encouraged to bring up their donations. (Our parish has awesome tithing envelopes the kids can get in the back of church. In addition or in place of gifts of treasure, kids write down their gifts of time/talent. More often than note, they publish 4-5 of these "gifts" in the bulletin the next week under a section labeled "Children's Stewardship". Each post is signed with first name and last initial. They are usually things such as: "Helped Mom with the dishes." "Read to my little brother." "Visited Grandma in the nursing home." My niece has felt like a celebrity each time she has been published over the years.) At Mass, I watch dozens of children race up around the altar with their envelopes, often holding the hands of their siblings to give their weekly contribution.  Again, this simple process helps the kids get more out of Mass and feel they are contributing.

If your parish permits, let your children come up to Communion with you for a blessing. Please take note of how your parish engages in this practice. Only priest and deacons can bless. At our parish, lay EMHC place a hand on the shoulder of individuals coming up with arms crossed. They do not bless, but rather pray aloud, "receive Jesus in your heart". Having your children come with you rather than sitting in the pew will help increase their desire for the Eucharist as they grow older.

The most important thing you can be doing throughout Mass is praying all prayers and responses and singing, even quietly. Your children need to see you participating to foster their own willingness to participate. It also teaches them (and reinforces for us) that the Mass is about offering ourselves back to God. We do that by praying fully and wholly with our hearts, minds, souls, voices, and bodies. Our gestures, attitude, and participation impact how our children  pray at Mass. Similarly, if you get int he car and complain about the length/content of homily, how the cantor was dressed, etc. your child will think there is nothing worthwhile at church and no point in attending.

After Mass, encourage the kids to talk with the priest and thank him. Visit with people you know (in the narthex or gathering space- not the sanctuary). Get to know someone new, especially if you sit by the same people each week. Building relationships with your church community will help the children want to go to be able to visit with their parish family. You want your children to equate Mass attendance with as many positive experiences as possible- not with the place where you go to not move or talk for an hour.

Lastly, parents need to look at the curriculum being used by their school and religious education programs. Does it help the children fall in love with Christ and the Eucharist? Does is help them understand the Mass (not just memorize what it includes)? Regular readers know that I am a huge advocate for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. The reason is because it does all these things and more. As children get to know Christ, the Good Shepherd, they desire to be at Mass. It makes sense to them once they know the prayers and reasoning behind them. They know to look for certain gestures and prayers that are essential in the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

I hope this helps all of you parents. Please post your other ideas for engaging your young children at Mass in the comments.

And, since I happened to complete this post today, let's add Happy Mother's Day to all mothers: natural, adopted, step, god. I add special prayers going out to mothers who have lost children through abortion, miscarriage, or dying young. No mom should ever have to bury a child and this day is tough for so many people.

Heaven IS for Real (and so are miracles)

Like many of you, I read Todd Burpo's book, "Heaven is for Real" a few years back and then had the pleasure of seeing the movie this weekend. If you aren't familiar with the story (spoiler alert), it's the true story of a boy who nearly died during an operation. During his operation he had an experience (we'll discuss what sort of experience later) where he visited heaven. Over the course of several months, he shares the story with his father about what he saw, learned, and experienced.

The story is very moving, but several things really struck me today (more so than when I read the book a few years back). These things relate to children, their spiritual lives, and how we respond to their spiritual experiences. I'll be revealing bits and pieces of the book and movie as I go, so please don't continue reading if it's important to you to be surprised. I won't be posting "spoiler alert" each and every time I mention the book/film.

Colton Burpo is a typical, 4 year-old boy living in Nebraska with his parents and older sister. His father is pastor of the Wesleyan church the family attends. The father's profession figures greatly into this story. Colton suffers a ruptured appendix and undergoes lifesaving surgery. Naturally, his parents are distraught and call many parishioners to pray during the surgery. There are agonizing hours where they are unsure if their little boy will survive or not.

Colton Burpo survives, but that is not the true miracle of this story. In the weeks following, Colton and his dad take a vacation to celebrate his recovery. On the trip, they visit a park. Colton tells his dad he has been there before. His dad assures him they have not. Colton says he was there "when the angels sang to him". At his dad's prompting, Colton reveals more. During the operation, Colton says he left his body. He witnessed his dad praying and shouting with God in the chapel while his mom called parishioners in another part of the hospital. These things happened, but Todd knows Colton would have no way of knowing that.

In the days to come, Colton reveals many things to his father: what Jesus looks like, stories about his deceased great-grandfather, and many more. Todd Burpo struggles. He wants to believe his son, but this doesn't make sense. He didn't die. It wasn't a near-death experience.

Here's where I struggle. Colton's mom does not believe her son. She and many others dismiss him. It's as though they do not believe it's possible for a young child to have a profound, religious experience. It wouldn't bother me so  much if we weren't discussing a pastor's wife and devout parishioners. It made me sad for Colton. Neither the movie or book seemed to show that the unbelievers told Colton directly they didn't believe him.

Children are capable of deep, real, and profound religious experiences.  That's one of the reasons I love Catechesis of the Good Shepherd.We allow children to grow deeply in their relationship with Christ, the Good Shepherd. We never dismiss the child's profound interactions with the mysterious. Rather, we acknowledge and validate it. The video below shows a catechist's plea to bring CGS to her parish and describes the program perfectly.

This weekend, Catholics worldwide celebrated the joyous canonizations of Popes John XXIII and John Paul II. We know that part of the canonization process involves the validation of miracles. This made me reflect further on the film. I'm inclined to believe that if Colton Burpo was Catholic, he would have had a more positive experience and more believers, initially. As Catholics, we look for miracles and know they are everywhere. We witness a miracle each and every time we attend Mass. I think one of the (many) beauties of our faith is our willingness to honor and acknowledge that the bridge between heaven and earth is short and knows no bounds.

Saint John Paul II visiting Sofia Cavalletti in her Rome atria.

Did Colton Burpo visit heaven? I don't know. I do know that something miraculous took place. This miraculous event allowed him to see and experience things that do not seem to be of this world. In my opinion, Colton probably didn't visit heaven. Why do I think that? I think that Colton and those who have near-death experiences do not fully experience heaven. I think heaven is truly beyond description. I think that Colton and those with near-death experiences have miraculous encounters with God, Jesus, angels, and/or deceased loved ones. I do, however, believe these experiences are true and real. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they did visit heaven. Either way, it doesn't really matter.  What matters is that someone experienced a miracle and chose to share that miracle with us.

Eventually, Colton Burpo's mother comes to believe him. She learns that Colton met a sister in heaven, the unborn child she had lost in the womb a few years before. It was beautiful to see her come to accept her child's experience as real. I just felt sad that it took her so long to get there.

I hope you leave this post wanting to honor the religious experiences of those children most near and dear to you. You might be humbled, surprised, and inspired by doing so. Do you have stories of your child's miraculous or profound encounter with God? I hope you'll share it in the comments!

Infants, Toddlers, and Mass Attendance

Parents know it's a crazy adventure taking a young child anywhere. There's the diaper bag, the bottles or snacks, the blanket, the toys, the car seat, the stroller, and then some. How parents of even 1 survive with a vehicle smaller than a minibus, I'll never know. Taking children to Mass to requires no less organization and planning, but it can require less gear than you might be thinking you need or are currently bringing.

It's important you start bringing your child to Mass each time you go as soon as possible. For most infants, this means within the first few weeks of life. Obviously, there are extenuating circumstances (premature infants or those with health problems who can't risk public exposure, etc.), but especially once your child is baptized you should really try to get him/her to Mass each week. This might seem difficult and stressful but with some simple tips, you should be able to make it easier on your family.

• Take your child's schedule into consideration. Attend Mass at a time when he/she is most likely to be already rested and fed. This is tougher with an infant, but will become more doable over time. It's also harder with several children on different schedules, but do your best. Flexibility is a huge part of being a parent and Mass attendance requires this flexibility. 
• Once your child begins potty training, hit the bathrooms before you leave the  house and as you enter the church. This will establish the habit that we don't leave the sanctuary during Mass (if at all possible).
• Sit up front. I know this is stressful for some folks and we know Catholics don't like the front pew, but this will be helpful for many reasons. As your child grows, he/she will want to see what's going on. Sometimes, I think children fuss because they cannot see or experience what is happening. Sitting in the first 5 pews or so allows your child to be close to the action. Feel free to sit near an aisle so you can escape quickly, if need be.
• Use cry rooms sparingly, if at all. Cry rooms are great and have their place. You never know when a child is going to start screaming uncontrollably and need a quiet place to regroup. Don't make the cry room a habit because then your child will have a much tougher time sitting through Mass as he/she grows. Go to the cry room when you cannot quickly/easily quiet your child. Return to Mass as soon as your child is ready.
• Narrate the Mass. At some point (I am guessing between the ages of 1-2), most parents start narrating things to teach their child and increase vocabulary. "We are walking past the blue house."  "Mom is making chicken for supper." We need to make this a part of Mass with our infant and toddler children. "We are hearing the First Reading." "Father Bill is giving the homily." "Mom and Dad are receiving Jesus in the Eucharist." Your child is likely to be less fussy and antsy if he/she knows what's going on as he/she grows. Plus, quiet whispering in the ear should keep them feeling engaged even if they don't understand what's happening. When you enter church, walk around, point things out, and teach them. 
• Participate. Your child will struggle to learn the prayers, responses, and songs if you never say them. Instead of singing/saying them aloud, whisper them to your child if you're holding him/her. I am confident children struggle to learn prayers because when we say them all together, they cannot discern the different words. If you whisper the prayers to them, they will focus more on your voice and begin learning the individual words. Case in point: until I was old enough to read, I was sure the words to the hymn "Glory and Praise to Our God" sang about "and alone gives thy do-or-days." This never made sense until I was old enough to use a hymnal and learned it was "and alone gives light to our days." 
• Pack light. Stick to one blanket or cuddly toy and a bottle (or breast-feeding cover). For infants, I recommend the doll be the Baptism Bear or the Loving Jesus Doll rather than just their normal teddy. For a toddler, consider finding their patron saint from Soft Saints. The more you pack when your child is young, the more they will expect snacks, toys, and distractions as they grow. Plus, having this special toy just for church will make it a relaxing, pleasant time. Of course, bring the diaper bag if you're expecting to have to change the little one and don't forget spit up rags and other essentials. Just leave out the rattles, books, and other things.

        Lest you think I'm crazy about how important Mass attendance is for these little ones, I'd like to point out that our own Holy Father agrees with me. I feel for those of you who have pastors who discourage little ones in the sanctuary during Mass. However, I think if you take these or similar steps, encourage your friends and family to do the same, we can show priests how these littlest parishioners do belong in Mass.

Parents as First Catechists

What is the purpose of First Catechists? When your child was baptized, the following (or very similar) dialogue took place:

Celebrant: What name do you give your child? (or: have you given?)

Parents: N.

Celebrant: What do you ask of God’s Church for N.?

Parents: Baptism.

Celebrant: You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?

Parents: We do.



After years of working in a parish setting, I can honestly say this is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, struggle for Catholic parents. They do not feel equipped to be their child's first catechist, they are not willing to serve as their child's primary catechist, and/or they don't understand how to be a catechist for their child. Many kids leave the faith between the ages of 12-18 and parents wonder why. "I took them to Mass every week and sent them to Catholic school or religious education classes. What happened?" I'm here to help!


Whether your child is kicking you in the womb during Mass, a toddler climbing all over the pews, an elementary age child poking their sibling in the rib cage during the homily, or a sullen teen who looks as if he'd rather have a root canal than be at church, I want to provide you with tools and set you up for success in serving as a catechist for your child.

Do you feel equipped to teach your child to count to 10 even though you cannot do long division? Are you confident in teaching the ABC's even though you rely on spell check every day? If you can mumble your way through the Our Father, you are ready to be a catechist. You don't need a degree in theology, have the Catechism memorized, or be a daily Mass goer. You simply need to have a willingness to share what you do know about your faith with your child and be willing to grow alongside him/her. Are you ready? Good. Me too.


Through posting various talks, handouts and curricula I have written as well as writing blog posts, I hope to give you some ideas and tools to share the Catholic faith with your child. I will also share links to some of my favorite resources. I want to help your family live a rich faith life so you can watch your child grow in wisdom, age, and grace.