Older children (ages 6-10) and Mass attendance

Oh, joy! Your children are old enough to not **need** toys, bathroom breaks, or snacks during Mass. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean they are any less antsy or less difficult to bring to Mass. At that age, my siblings and I were whiny, leaned on Mom & Dad regularly, asked if we could go to coffee and donuts every 5 minutes, and tried to crush one another with a death grip during the Our Father (back in the good, old, hand-holding days of 1986!!). What's a parent to do?

First of all, take time to discern if your child even understands the basics of the liturgy. Can they identify and articulate the Liturgy of the Word versus the Liturgy of the Eucharist? Do they have memorized most of the prayers/responses? Can they follow along with longer prayers using the missalette? Few of these are articulated with regularity in the curricula most of your schools or religious education programs are using. This isn't bad, but we must remember that religion classes are meant to support and supplement the spirituality of the child as lived in the home and at church. Your child may learn every 2 or 3 years about the different parts of the Mass or have some of these prayers (Gloria, Nicene Creed, Our Father, etc.) touched on in various lessons, but they often don't take time to explore the meaning.

Regular Mass attendance (minimum of each Sunday and Holy Days of Obligation) are the only way for children to grasp and retain the ebbs and flows of the Mass. On a recent Sunday evening, my 8 year-old niece asked if we were "almost done" while praying after Communion. Due to custody issues, she is only able to attend Mass about twice/month but I thought, by now, she surely knew enough that after Communion we only had one more prayer and hymn to go. Guess not. You may think your children know what's going on and what to expect, but perhaps they do not.

Which parts of the Mass does each child most like? My niece enjoys any time we are singing and, up until now, very much enjoyed getting to go up with the children to put her envelope in the basket for the children's collection. (Aunt side note: apparently, age 8 and 4 months makes one too told to go up with the other kids and also too grown up for children's tithing envelopes.) She used to look forward to getting her blessing, but excitement waned this last year or two. She kept saying, "when can I get that?" and expressed an eagerness to receive our Lord's Body and Blood. Now, she looks forward to receiving the Eucharist instead of a blessing.

Find out what he/she most enjoys  about Mass and help them find anticipation for those areas. Maybe they most enjoy visiting with school friends after Mass or high-fiving the summer seminarian, but it doesn't matter. Each little thing is worth it. Help them find value in the meaningful experiences at Mass. They will build as you continue working with them.

In the weeks and months before receiving First Communion, remind your child that he/she should be doing their best to show spiritual readiness. This can be done in a variety of ways, but active participation is key. Also, they can begin to grasp this concept of liturgy as the "work of the people". Try to help your child see what work he/she is called to (singing, praying, listening, etc.) to be a full part of Mass and be ready to receive Holy Communion.

Does your child have older siblings on the altar? Remind him/her that participating in the Mass shows you that they are ready for duties that may be available to them soon such as altar serving, children's choirs, etc. If not, do you participate in a ministry they can help with? If you are an usher, see if your parish will allow your child to seat people and pass out bulletins with you. Do you serve as sacristan? Have your child with you, helping, so he/she can see the important steps that go into preparing for Mass. Sometimes, our youngest children see these ministries as "prizes" of becoming older. While helping them to see and know that Mass is always of value whether or not he/she is old enough to receive the Eucharist or old enough to participate in a ministry, I don't think it's bad or wrong to help them set long-term goals of serving in a ministry and reminding them how current attentiveness and participation prepares them for these duties.

After having a great experience with my Pre-K and K Totus Tuus students last week, I was reminded how much our youngest can get out of Mass when given proper tools. Though we didn't attend Mass, we talked a lot about the Luminous Mysteries and spent time exploring how to keep holy the Sabbath. We need to continue to this practice of offering practical, simple, spiritual tools at all ages. I was at Mass this weekend with a relative (raised Catholic) who has been struggling with our faith. He asked me the point of all these prayers, rituals, incense and sequences (this was the Feast of Corpus Christi) that he had never been taught to understand. It saddened me and reminded me how lucky I am to have explored the Mass and other parts of my spiritual life on my own. He is trying to have the faith of a child but he has the cynicism of an adult.

The best thing we can do is help our child explore his/her spiritual life as early as possible. Helping him/her build a relationship with Christ through prayer, the Mass, and Sacraments as early as possible lessens the likelihood of leaving later. That doesn't mean he/she won't have challenges. It doesn't mean he/she won't leave. However, we need to give our youngest the spiritual tools to fight those battles within when those cynical moments arise. I'll have more on that when I address Mass attendance with tweens and teens in my next post.

In the meantime, what specific challenges do you face with children of this age at Mass? Let's dialogue and help one another find solutions. Pax!

Samples and Help Request

Yesterday I encountered an awful glitch with my First Catechist project. I am writing a series of children's worship aids to help Catholic kids connect the liturgy to their lives. To my knowledge, no program of this nature exists. Worship bulletins teach the kids the readings and, perhaps, what they mean but do not aid in that intimate encounter with Christ. I am striving to change that.

Unfortunately, my laptop (it was bought refurbished 5 years ago) decided to die. I have some tremendous folks willing to loan me older laptops to get by, for which I am VERY grateful. Unfortunately, to make this project a success I really need to purchase a good laptop and updated software ASAP. Here's where I am asking your help.

First, check out some samples of my work (below) so you can see what this project entails and get an idea for how it will help kids ages 3-12 better connect with the liturgy. These are the only samples I had saved in Google docs. Everything else is saved in MS Publisher and I cannot access it at this time. If you like what you see, please consider giving $5-10 towards my Go Fund Me link. In gratitude, you will receive copies of my first 12 weeks of Liturgical Reflections for kids. Each reflection will be emailed in a .pdf and you will receive all three versions for 12 weeks (ages 3-6, 6-9, and 9-12). Dates of subscription TBD based on how soon I can get a loaner laptop with Publisher.

The idea is to print and use the reflections before Mass to help the child understand what is being discussed. If parents struggle to keep children focused, you could have them use these during the homily. It's not ideal, but better than playing with toys or doing activities not helping them understand Mass.

Liturgical Reflections (working title):
Holy Thursday, ages 3-6 Unfortunately, the conversion process messed up formatting and changed one of the fonts (it was a dashed letter that kids could trace). You can still get the gist of it.
Holy Thursday, ages 6-9
Holy Thursday, ages 9-12

These are designed to be printed, front-to-back, on 8 1/2 by 14 paper and folded into a booklet. Parents can use a binder or scrapbook to keep and organize weekly bulletins. By participating in this program, your child will have a weekly journal of his/her relationship with Christ and understanding of the Mass. There is NO GREATER GIFT than that.

Thanks and God bless!!

Parents as First Catechists

What is the purpose of First Catechists? When your child was baptized, the following (or very similar) dialogue took place:

Celebrant: What name do you give your child? (or: have you given?)

Parents: N.

Celebrant: What do you ask of God’s Church for N.?

Parents: Baptism.

Celebrant: You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?

Parents: We do.



After years of working in a parish setting, I can honestly say this is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, struggle for Catholic parents. They do not feel equipped to be their child's first catechist, they are not willing to serve as their child's primary catechist, and/or they don't understand how to be a catechist for their child. Many kids leave the faith between the ages of 12-18 and parents wonder why. "I took them to Mass every week and sent them to Catholic school or religious education classes. What happened?" I'm here to help!


Whether your child is kicking you in the womb during Mass, a toddler climbing all over the pews, an elementary age child poking their sibling in the rib cage during the homily, or a sullen teen who looks as if he'd rather have a root canal than be at church, I want to provide you with tools and set you up for success in serving as a catechist for your child.

Do you feel equipped to teach your child to count to 10 even though you cannot do long division? Are you confident in teaching the ABC's even though you rely on spell check every day? If you can mumble your way through the Our Father, you are ready to be a catechist. You don't need a degree in theology, have the Catechism memorized, or be a daily Mass goer. You simply need to have a willingness to share what you do know about your faith with your child and be willing to grow alongside him/her. Are you ready? Good. Me too.


Through posting various talks, handouts and curricula I have written as well as writing blog posts, I hope to give you some ideas and tools to share the Catholic faith with your child. I will also share links to some of my favorite resources. I want to help your family live a rich faith life so you can watch your child grow in wisdom, age, and grace.