Older children (ages 6-10) and Mass attendance

Oh, joy! Your children are old enough to not **need** toys, bathroom breaks, or snacks during Mass. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean they are any less antsy or less difficult to bring to Mass. At that age, my siblings and I were whiny, leaned on Mom & Dad regularly, asked if we could go to coffee and donuts every 5 minutes, and tried to crush one another with a death grip during the Our Father (back in the good, old, hand-holding days of 1986!!). What's a parent to do?

First of all, take time to discern if your child even understands the basics of the liturgy. Can they identify and articulate the Liturgy of the Word versus the Liturgy of the Eucharist? Do they have memorized most of the prayers/responses? Can they follow along with longer prayers using the missalette? Few of these are articulated with regularity in the curricula most of your schools or religious education programs are using. This isn't bad, but we must remember that religion classes are meant to support and supplement the spirituality of the child as lived in the home and at church. Your child may learn every 2 or 3 years about the different parts of the Mass or have some of these prayers (Gloria, Nicene Creed, Our Father, etc.) touched on in various lessons, but they often don't take time to explore the meaning.

Regular Mass attendance (minimum of each Sunday and Holy Days of Obligation) are the only way for children to grasp and retain the ebbs and flows of the Mass. On a recent Sunday evening, my 8 year-old niece asked if we were "almost done" while praying after Communion. Due to custody issues, she is only able to attend Mass about twice/month but I thought, by now, she surely knew enough that after Communion we only had one more prayer and hymn to go. Guess not. You may think your children know what's going on and what to expect, but perhaps they do not.

Which parts of the Mass does each child most like? My niece enjoys any time we are singing and, up until now, very much enjoyed getting to go up with the children to put her envelope in the basket for the children's collection. (Aunt side note: apparently, age 8 and 4 months makes one too told to go up with the other kids and also too grown up for children's tithing envelopes.) She used to look forward to getting her blessing, but excitement waned this last year or two. She kept saying, "when can I get that?" and expressed an eagerness to receive our Lord's Body and Blood. Now, she looks forward to receiving the Eucharist instead of a blessing.

Find out what he/she most enjoys  about Mass and help them find anticipation for those areas. Maybe they most enjoy visiting with school friends after Mass or high-fiving the summer seminarian, but it doesn't matter. Each little thing is worth it. Help them find value in the meaningful experiences at Mass. They will build as you continue working with them.

In the weeks and months before receiving First Communion, remind your child that he/she should be doing their best to show spiritual readiness. This can be done in a variety of ways, but active participation is key. Also, they can begin to grasp this concept of liturgy as the "work of the people". Try to help your child see what work he/she is called to (singing, praying, listening, etc.) to be a full part of Mass and be ready to receive Holy Communion.

Does your child have older siblings on the altar? Remind him/her that participating in the Mass shows you that they are ready for duties that may be available to them soon such as altar serving, children's choirs, etc. If not, do you participate in a ministry they can help with? If you are an usher, see if your parish will allow your child to seat people and pass out bulletins with you. Do you serve as sacristan? Have your child with you, helping, so he/she can see the important steps that go into preparing for Mass. Sometimes, our youngest children see these ministries as "prizes" of becoming older. While helping them to see and know that Mass is always of value whether or not he/she is old enough to receive the Eucharist or old enough to participate in a ministry, I don't think it's bad or wrong to help them set long-term goals of serving in a ministry and reminding them how current attentiveness and participation prepares them for these duties.

After having a great experience with my Pre-K and K Totus Tuus students last week, I was reminded how much our youngest can get out of Mass when given proper tools. Though we didn't attend Mass, we talked a lot about the Luminous Mysteries and spent time exploring how to keep holy the Sabbath. We need to continue to this practice of offering practical, simple, spiritual tools at all ages. I was at Mass this weekend with a relative (raised Catholic) who has been struggling with our faith. He asked me the point of all these prayers, rituals, incense and sequences (this was the Feast of Corpus Christi) that he had never been taught to understand. It saddened me and reminded me how lucky I am to have explored the Mass and other parts of my spiritual life on my own. He is trying to have the faith of a child but he has the cynicism of an adult.

The best thing we can do is help our child explore his/her spiritual life as early as possible. Helping him/her build a relationship with Christ through prayer, the Mass, and Sacraments as early as possible lessens the likelihood of leaving later. That doesn't mean he/she won't have challenges. It doesn't mean he/she won't leave. However, we need to give our youngest the spiritual tools to fight those battles within when those cynical moments arise. I'll have more on that when I address Mass attendance with tweens and teens in my next post.

In the meantime, what specific challenges do you face with children of this age at Mass? Let's dialogue and help one another find solutions. Pax!

Vacation Bible School- what to do?

It's that time of year again. School is nearly out and summer lessons, programs, and activities are starting, including Vacation Bible School. This post was inspired after reading about some concerns on a Catholic Moms group FB page. The moms were debating about whether you could/should send your children to VBS at non Catholic parishes so they can attend with their friends. This post will discuss ideal Catholic curricula for VBS as well as what you should do if your child is invited to VBS at a non-Catholic parish.

Sending your child to VBS at a non-Catholic parish can be very risky. I would highly advise against it, but I can appreciate a desire to join in if all your child's friends are attending and/or there isn't a Catholic program in your area. If you are considering sending your child to a program at a non-Catholic parish,  here's what I would advise:

• Ask your parish priest if this congregation has ever shown negativity or hostility towards Catholics and/or if he has other concerns about your child attending this program. Take his advice seriously! 
• Call the program director and ask if the program will be negative towards children not of the faith and/or if children will be pressured into following that parish's denomination
• Ask the name of the curriculum and preview it online to determine if you are comfortable with it and/or if it contains anything you wouldn't want your child hearing.
• Have a "process" time each day. Ask your child what he/she learned. Add to it what Catholics believe and/or clarify as needed. 

If your reason for considering VBS at a Protestant church is because your parish doesn't have VBS, talk to your pastor and other parents. With ingenuity and some luck, you can get something started so this doesn't become an ongoing issue. But how do you start a Vacation Bible School if your parish has never had it? Isn't this a ridiculous amount of work? Possibly, but it depends how you go about it!

If money is tight and you aren't sure if there is interest, start small. Most catechists and religion teachers didn't get to finish the last 1-3 chapters of their textbooks. Have VBS for 2 hours/day and use that curriculum with the guidance of your DRE/CRE. Be sure to incorporate time for group prayer, songs, crafts, and games. See if the  priest can have Mass with the kids. If not, perhaps you can have a lay-led Communion service (get your pastor's guidance on how this is done). "Google" the lessons of the day and many Catholic parenting and catechist sites will give you great ideas for thematic crafts and games to help teach that concept. If you don't need to buy a program, you can charge a small amount ($5-10/child) to defray costs and supplement your parish's catechesis budget. 

If your parish can afford it, it is a wonderful option to have a Catholic program, but even here you have to be careful. Have you seen the theme being offered by the local Protestant churches? Several major, Catholic publishing companies buy the rights to these programs, "fix" them so they are Catholic, and rebrand them. I've used many of these programs. I don't want to bash their publishers, but you can easily figure out who it is by googling the VBS theme to see if other publishers use it. Chances are if every craft store in town has materials for this "theme", it'a  rebranded product. I have typically found these programs to be light in content with little to no Catholic identity. They aren't bad and the great thing is you can often share sets and props with your Protestant neighbors. However, I find it less than ideal.

There are two Catholic programs I am very fond of. The first is http://www.growingwiththesaints.com/. I have seen this program used at my home parish and I also purchased it for use at the parish where I once worked. The kits are easy to follow and have everything you need to offer an excellent VBS experience with a true Catholic identity. My one complaint is that it still uses some of the gimmicky things to teach the faith such as talking animals and songs the kids won't hear again outside of VBS. Those are the only drawbacks  I see and it's an outstanding program in so many ways. Don't let my personal preferences get in the way of an excellent ministry resource! The blogger over at Catholic Icing reviewed Growing With the Saints and other Catholic products. I haven't used the other programs she discusses, but they sound worth checking out too. 

So, I am not a fan of things that use gimmicks, puppets, cartoons, etc. to teach the faith. That doesn't mean there aren't solid materials, like the ones mentioned above but as a catechist in Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, I know we can do better. Children do an excellent job when handed the sacraments and the truth in all their seriousness, beauty, and solemnity. This is why Totus Tuus is my hands-down, favorite, Catholic, summer program. Totus Tuus was started in Wichita and is taking Catholic dioceses by storm! If your parish is in Chicago, Denver, Atlanta, or many other diocese throughout the country, chances are you have access to Totus Tuus. If not, contact the Wichita location and ask how you can get it. Hopefully their national directory of dioceses will be up soon! 

The best thing about Totus Tuus is that the team (4 adults- 3 college students and 1 seminarian) bring all the materials to you. There is no planning or organizing the curriculum. The parish's sole duties are to house and feed 4 individuals (2 men, 2 women) for a week. This is very easy as many people in your parish have guest rooms and/or love to cook. The fee you charge families goes solely to cover the cost of "hiring" the Totus Tuus team for the week. The best part is, you know you are getting a totally, Orthodox program with trained catechists. Sometimes well-meaning individuals sign up to help with VBS but aren't great at teaching or understanding the faith. This saves you that hassle since these individuals are trained for a week before they come to your parish. They know and live their faith inside and out and don't use gimmicks: they use the Mass, Adoration, and Reconciliation to teach your children. Their programming is also for grades 1-12 which is an added bonus.

Starting in 1st grade is the only downfall I've encountered with Totus Tuus. As a result, I have prepared a supplemental curriculum (not with the approval of Totus Tuus, though they freely give me their curriculum outline so I can plan) for grades pre-K and K to use at parishes where I have worked and helped. This take some serious effort, but is worth it to get the whole family there together. The Totus Tuus teams I have worked with have been very responsive to this. If you're interested, contact me through my blog and I can help your parish supplement the Totus Tuus curriculum if you want to include your younger parishioners. 

The final option, and one I have yet to try is simply offering extended atrium times in the summer for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. If your parish has CGS, you know that an ideal atrium session is 2-3 hours. You also know there are presentations you would like to do every year but don't always get to. The children often yearn for more atrium time. Why not take advantage of the summer months to do this? It's also a great way to have a "beginner" class and expose new families to CGS who may be in doubt. You can charge a small fee or take donations to help repair or make new materials for the coming year. 

I hope these VBS ideas help. I know it's too late to implement many of them for this year but it's never too soon to start looking ahead to next year. God bless and thanks for reading!