Getting ready for Mass

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to Mass we go...  How many of you spend your Sunday mornings hustling people out of bed, getting them into decent clothes and fed, rushed into the car and often end up racing into Mass as the priest is heading up the aisle. Kids are fighting in the car and parents are yelling. Ugh. It's no wonder we enter Mass worked up and no one gets much out of it. What are some things your family can start doing to make Sundays more prayerful and less hectic?

First of all, look at the day/time you're attending Mass. Would Saturday evening be less hectic? Is Sunday morning the most ideal? Don't feel guilty about that Last Chance Mass on Sunday night if it works well with your household's schedule. We all get attached to "our" Mass, but with children you need to be flexible. If you're attending in the morning, these suggestions may make the morning easier:

• Laying out clothes the night before (Have an extra outfit in mind if you have a potty-training toddler or a baby who's likely to spit up on you on your way out the door.)
• Having a simple, continental breakfast before Mass as opposed to cooking a large meal (Especially if it's fruit and granola bars or something you can set out the night before, it should make the morning easier.)
• Earlier bedtimes on Saturday night
• Baths/showers before bed Saturday as opposed to in the morning
• Moving the clocks ahead 10-15 minutes to give yourself that extra cushion

Whenever you go to Mass, plan to arrive 15-20 minutes early. This give you a buffer when you have delays getting out the door. It also provides time to hit the bathrooms when you arrive at Mass. Insist on this either just before leaving home and/or just before walking into church. It's not a 100% guarantee, but it may cut down on bathroom trips during Mass. 

What does your typical drive or walk to Mass look like? If driving, find some soothing music (classical? Gregorian chant?) to help calm everyone's nerves. Insist that the ride or walk to Mass be quiet and/or have discussions about Mass. As you get into the car or leave the house, remind everyone to let go of the other cares of the day: no yelling, no fighting, and no asking about going for pizza after Mass. What are things you are thankful for this week? What intentions does your family want to hold in prayer at Mass? Most importantly, what gifts are you bringing to God today? Perhaps, use an app such as Laudate to read the readings, or at least the gospel, on the way and discuss it. If you use a tool such as my Liturgical Reflections to better understand the readings, have the kids use those in the car (as opposed to during Mass). 

Do not let your children bring toys, blankets, books, etc. into the car unless they are for Mass use. Consider having a bag for each child containing a rosary, children's bible, and/or children's missalette- only the few items they may need to aid in prayer- that you distribute in the car en route to Mass. This way, they know that only those items are permissible once inside. If the car is filled with toys, dolls, juice boxes, and rattles you can guarantee someone will pitch a fit about not being able to bring that item into church with them. If they need those items for going somewhere after Mass, pack them in the trunk and keep them out of sight. 

By arriving 15-20 minutes early, you can quietly get out the wiggles in a calm way. Visit a statue or light a candle before Mass. Do you have a separate Adoration Chapel? Have someone pick seats while the little ones go say a prayer in front of Jesus. Let them continue using Liturgical Reflections in the pew or reading a children's bible, provided they know it gets put away once Mass begins. If the hymns are posted, look them up before Mass. Encourage older siblings to quietly read from the children's bible or missalette to the younger ones. 

Create a system where the kids pick seats at Mass- perhaps having a rotating basis so each child takes turns. Giving everyone a say might make them more agreeable. Most young kids don't like the back- they prefer the front so they can see everything. Give them this chance. You might be surprised that they will step up their behavior so as to enjoy the privilege of sitting where they want. 

It might seem tougher to keep children quiet/still at Mass longer, but I've found the opposite to be true. That extra few minutes in church before Mass can calm and relax everyone, making the Mass experience more pleasant for you and those around you. What Mass routines has your family created that help all to enjoy the experience?

UPDATE (7/12/14):

Acquaintance, Katie Choudhary, is CGS catetchist at the Cathedral of St. Raymond Nonnatus in Joliet, IL. On Facebook this morning, Katie posted: Do you recognize anything from today's Gospel? Preparing the children for mass is an awesome gift we can give them. It helps them focus their attention as they hear key phrases they remember from when you read it earlier together! We sit in the recliner and read the Gospel (from our NRSV bible) on Sunday morning before mass. They sit on my lap and I read it straight out of the bible to them. Some days it works better than others and sometimes I cut it short. Today's Gospel was a PERFECT one ! I ended right before Jesus started to explain why He uses parables to teach. 

SHARED WITH PERMISSION

Thanks, Katie, for this perfect example of how preparing children for Mass can lead to the fruits of their faith. Children show a deep understanding of theology, when given the chance/resources. My Liturgical Reflections are for parents who don't feel capable/confident in guiding their children in this way and/or children who haven't experienced CGS. In CGS, kids learn to be open to hearing complex scripture stories and exploring them through their own "free art". Katie's calling to read sacred scripture with her children is her own and not inspired by my suggestion, but I want you to witness the beauty of like-minded thinking parents/catechists. 

Roles of Pastors, DREs, and Others

Pastors, DREs, deacons, catechists, teachers, and others definitely have a role in helping raise your child in the faith, but they are not to be the primary educator. How can they back parents and support them in their catechetical role? Would it surprise you to hear that many of the things they do, inadvertently, take away from the child's faith experience and formation rather than enhance it? Let's discuss...

How many of you belong to parishes that offer Children's Liturgy of the Word? These are programs that remove the children from the Mass- typically from the beginning of the homily until the Offeratory or so. They are typically taken to a location where they can discuss the scriptures or do activities relating to the readings. In theory, this sounds great: let's keep the kids from squirming during the homily, let's help them understand what's happening, and let's give their parents a break. This seems wonderful, doesn't it?Unfortunately, here's what often happens: kids don't learn to sit through Mass and are more antsy on weeks they do not have this opportunity. They also learn that whatever parts of the Mass they miss are non-essential and/or not for them. This attitude can only serve to harm them, spiritually, as they grow. Additionally, children are not as engaged as the grow older (and outgrow CLOW) because they have learned this part of Mass is boring and not for young people.

Pastors, we need to review our nurseries/cry rooms for this same reason. We need programs to help parents sit with their kids through the Mass. It can be done and done well if parents, pastors, and parish staff work together to come up with creative solutions. Kids look at the cry room as a reward for fussing during Mass. They need to be encouraged and invited to stay and participate in the Liturgy. If you have a cry room, it should have seats and nothing else- no toys, books, or other distractions. What about an adopt-a-grandparent program? Your parishes are full of elderly widows who have snuggled dozens of children and grandchildren over the years. Invite them to meet up with families with 2, 3, or more little ones to help them sit through the Mass. Often, parents could keep little ones situated if they just had one or two extra sets of hands. Or what about using this as a service hour opportunity for your teens?

My other major pet peeve is RE classes on Sunday morning. Whether it's during Mass times or sandwiched between Mass times, it typically creates a problem. During Mass times, we are telling parents to get rid of their kids and implying that class is more important than Mass attendance. Oh, we say this isn't the case. We tell the parents we expect them to attend Mass at a different time, but we know the majority aren't doing this. Why even make this a possibility? If you must have Sunday religious education (tight facility scheduling is often the reasoning as well as it being the only day students are free), do it in the late afternoons or evenings, separate from Mass times. This might seem like an inconvenience, but at some point we have to gently and lovingly guide parents to make RE a priority over other activities of the week.

I once worked at a parish where RE classes were sandwiched between 9 and 11 AM Masses. What a disaster! There was constant pressure to finish Mass in 55 minutes to get the students to class. Catechists who attended 9 AM Mass had no set up time and were rushing in the room at the same time as the kids. Many left after communion because Mass often ran a tad over an hour. We had 60 minutes for class, but catechists were lucky to get 40 minutes of teaching time. Around 10:15 you could finally start. We dismissed at 11 which meant those who attended the later Mass were forever wandering in late. It was awful for everyone: students & catechists, parents, etc. The worst part was the disruptions from the constant stream of kids and catechists coming in late for the 11 AM Mass. Please, please, please offer classes during the afternoons/evenings of the week and avoid the temptation to fall into the Sunday morning "convenience" routine.

Curriculum choice is an enormous struggle. I won't lambaste specific publishers here, but there are a number of curriculum that I won't touch with a 10-foot pole. They are either watered down, overly simplistic, teach to the head and not the heart, or are just poorly written. Let me list some of my favorite resources here:

• Catechesis of the Good Shepherd does a terrific job at spiritually reaching the kids where they are at. Love their program and cannot promote it enough.
• While I haven't used it yet, I am very intrigued by Our Sunday Visitor's Alive in Christ and think it could be an amazing program. I was planning to adapt it at my last parish after it had been out a year or two. I continue to hear wonderful things about it.
• There are too many to list here, but St. Mary's Press and Ascension Press have some amazing books, resources, and supplements I cannot live without. 
• Ignatius Press puts out a great curriculum which is very solid.
• I am smitten with the work of Matthew Kelly and the Dynamic Catholic Institute. I write my own sacramental prep curricula, but I think his could prove to be outstanding. I am eager to preview their Confirmation and other prep programs as they are released. 

I see the role of the pastors, DREs, and others to truly discern what parents need and support them.  They need to pray on, discern, and explore long-term implications of the programs they offer. If programs look convenient but will not be best for the spiritual needs of the kids, the pastor and DRE need the backbone (and support) to make tough decisions such as eliminating programs, changing times, etc. These changes needn't happen overnight, but if your community works together and doesn't always resort to the easiest solution, real spiritual benefits can happen for families and change can start in the hearts of your youngest parishioners.

Pastors and parish staff also need to catechize parents, particularly from the period of baptism through First Communion. Parents need tools, ideas, help and resources to raise their children in the faith. They need the parish to reach out to them after baptismal prep and prior to enrolling in 1st grade for school/RE. They need to support parents in attending parish programs by offering child care during formation opportunities as often as possible. More parents would come if it were offered as a "night out" opportunity with wine, snacks, and free baby sitting!

Well formed parents are well formed primary catechists. Well formed primary catechists will help your parish make changes that keep the family together for Masses and make Mass the #1 priority of the week. Don't make sudden changes your parish isn't ready for. Improve adult education about the Mass and gently lead parents to see Children's Liturgy of the Word as nonessential. Build programs that allow older widows in the parish to sit with the parents of six kids to help hold babies and soothe cranky toddlers. The need for nurseries will diminish as families experience the joy of peacefully worshiping together. Find RE options that make Sunday morning RE unnecessary.

Helping others follow the Good Shepherd

Hopefully, by now, my readers know that I am not against talking during Mass. Sometimes it is essential to help kids understand what is happening. Unfortunately, I have become so cranky, particular, and caught up in myself that in my "old" age, I am not so understanding of adults talking during Mass. I'm also very anal retentive about what style music is sung during Mass and several other minute factors.  God is really challenging me with this lately and for that I am grateful. This is not so much about being a child's "first catechist" but how we are all called to catechize those who need it, regardless of age.

On Good Friday, I had got to church early and was sitting with close friends. Two women behind me kept whispering. Loudly. Over the prelude hymn. It continued, occasionally, during the Lord's Passion. I was frustrated and annoyed. I would, occasionally, glance over my shoulder hoping they would get the hint and shush. It wasn't until we neared the veneration of the cross that I made out enough of their conversation to understand what was happening behind me. The women weren't Catholic (or at least not currently practicing). They were flipping through the missalette and trying to figure out what things like "veneration of the cross" meant. Sheesh. I felt like a heel. Since we had to leave in silence, I didn't get to apologize for being so rude to them. I made sure to give a friendly smile, though, when I caught the eye of one of them.

My brother is struggling with returning to the Church right now. While I won't go into his private journey here, I will say that he asks lots of amazing questions about faith, scripture, and Catholicism. Fortunately, my mom (a high school theology teacher) and I usually have answers or know where to direct him. That's all you need to know to understand what happened today.

As a catechist in Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, I am always eager for Good Shepherd Sunday. As I sat down in the pew, I told my niece that these were my favorite readings of the year. I was as giddy as a school girl and couldn't wait for the readings and homily. My brother and his girlfriend arrived just as Mass was beginning and I ended up seated next to my brother. Even though he comes to Mass with some regularity, I haven't sat next to him recently.

During the second reading, he had questions about Peter: when was he born? when did he die? was he Jesus' contemporary? etc. They were excellent questions and important. I patiently answered them. I tried to get refocused for the gospel, but he had more questions. "Is this a parable?" When I explained it came from the Last Supper discourse, "why are we reading a Last Supper story after Easter?" During the homily, Fr. mentioned John, the Beloved Disciple. "Was that John the Baptist?" "What do you mean he died before Jesus? How?" "That book Fr. is recommending (on Marian consecration) sounds good. I need a tool like that."

I know I sighed a few times, but always with a smile. We were talking, a lot, and probably annoying people around us even though we tried to whisper. But it was SO GOOD. And fruitful. I love that my brother cares so much about Mass, scripture, and his faith, even if he is a little lost right now. Spiritually, my brother is like a skeptical, young child, trying to understand his faith. I need to honor this with the same patience and compassion as I would a child. I wouldn't have been at all annoyed if my niece was asking these questions. And I heard enough of the homily to know Father was talking about using Mary to learn how to follow the Good Shepherd. My brother might need to go through my mom and I to get to Mary right now while he sorts out his feelings/beliefs. And that's a good thing because any journey in the direction of Christ is an outstanding journey!!

The talking didn't stop after the homily. During communion, they announced we would sing that Glory and Praise classic: Gift of Finest Wheat. My brother leans over and whispers, "I've always liked this song. It's a good one, isn't it?" I smiled and nodded. Inside, I was cringing. As I listened to my brother sing along, I realize how great it was that we had music at our parish that feeds him, even if it doesn't feed me. I'd prefer some nice chant, but I am SO GLAD that we attend a Mass where we can both be fed, especially while he isn't being fed by the Eucharist.

 At Communion ("ARGH. I'm trying to focus on the Eucharist right now!), my brother asked if he could go to a different communion line so my mom could give my niece (who just made First Communion two weeks ago) the Eucharist. Non-Catholics and non-practicing Catholics cross their arms over their chest to get a blessing from the priest/deacons at our parish. If you are in a line with an EMHC, he/she places a hand on your shoulder and says, "Receive Jesus in your heart." After Mass, I heard my brother thank my mom for praying with him. I can only imagine that theirs was more intimate than just this simple phrase. I'm glad I didn't ignore him and encouraged him to go to Mom. I"m sure it made her Mother's Day.

If we are truly going to be stewards of the new evangelization, we need to be open to attending Mass with those like my brother and letting those like him sit and talk around us. My brother is not irreverent, rude, or disruptive at Mass. I mistook his behavior as disruptive at first because I was focused on what I wanted to think, hear and pray about. I wasn't focused on his needs. This is not my Mass. It is the congregation's Mass and I owe it to other members to help them get as much out of Mass as I am trying to. By stepping outside of myself, I can receive so many more gifts during Mass. Perhaps, one day, my brother will return to the Table of the Lord. In the meantime, it's terrific watching his journey.

So, I didn't hear the words of the Good Shepherd during Mass due to all the talking. But after Mass, I stopped to listen to the Good Shepherd in my heart. The Good Shepherd's message to me? "Be a catechist. Treasure these discussions with your brother. Be patient. Don't be annoyed. Help him, but let this journey be his own. These conversations and questions are more important than anything right now. How would you respond to a child in your atrium having these questions/doubts?" And my brother? He openly accepted two Lighthouse Catholic Media CDs I got for him after Mass. He's also due over here for dinner and drinks shortly. We promised to to continue the discussion. God is good.