Hopefully, by now, my readers know that I am not against talking during Mass. Sometimes it is essential to help kids understand what is happening. Unfortunately, I have become so cranky, particular, and caught up in myself that in my "old" age, I am not so understanding of adults talking during Mass. I'm also very anal retentive about what style music is sung during Mass and several other minute factors. God is really challenging me with this lately and for that I am grateful. This is not so much about being a child's "first catechist" but how we are all called to catechize those who need it, regardless of age.
On Good Friday, I had got to church early and was sitting with close friends. Two women behind me kept whispering. Loudly. Over the prelude hymn. It continued, occasionally, during the Lord's Passion. I was frustrated and annoyed. I would, occasionally, glance over my shoulder hoping they would get the hint and shush. It wasn't until we neared the veneration of the cross that I made out enough of their conversation to understand what was happening behind me. The women weren't Catholic (or at least not currently practicing). They were flipping through the missalette and trying to figure out what things like "veneration of the cross" meant. Sheesh. I felt like a heel. Since we had to leave in silence, I didn't get to apologize for being so rude to them. I made sure to give a friendly smile, though, when I caught the eye of one of them.
My brother is struggling with returning to the Church right now. While I won't go into his private journey here, I will say that he asks lots of amazing questions about faith, scripture, and Catholicism. Fortunately, my mom (a high school theology teacher) and I usually have answers or know where to direct him. That's all you need to know to understand what happened today.
As a catechist in Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, I am always eager for Good Shepherd Sunday. As I sat down in the pew, I told my niece that these were my favorite readings of the year. I was as giddy as a school girl and couldn't wait for the readings and homily. My brother and his girlfriend arrived just as Mass was beginning and I ended up seated next to my brother. Even though he comes to Mass with some regularity, I haven't sat next to him recently.
During the second reading, he had questions about Peter: when was he born? when did he die? was he Jesus' contemporary? etc. They were excellent questions and important. I patiently answered them. I tried to get refocused for the gospel, but he had more questions. "Is this a parable?" When I explained it came from the Last Supper discourse, "why are we reading a Last Supper story after Easter?" During the homily, Fr. mentioned John, the Beloved Disciple. "Was that John the Baptist?" "What do you mean he died before Jesus? How?" "That book Fr. is recommending (on Marian consecration) sounds good. I need a tool like that."
I know I sighed a few times, but always with a smile. We were talking, a lot, and probably annoying people around us even though we tried to whisper. But it was SO GOOD. And fruitful. I love that my brother cares so much about Mass, scripture, and his faith, even if he is a little lost right now. Spiritually, my brother is like a skeptical, young child, trying to understand his faith. I need to honor this with the same patience and compassion as I would a child. I wouldn't have been at all annoyed if my niece was asking these questions. And I heard enough of the homily to know Father was talking about using Mary to learn how to follow the Good Shepherd. My brother might need to go through my mom and I to get to Mary right now while he sorts out his feelings/beliefs. And that's a good thing because any journey in the direction of Christ is an outstanding journey!!
The talking didn't stop after the homily. During communion, they announced we would sing that Glory and Praise classic: Gift of Finest Wheat. My brother leans over and whispers, "I've always liked this song. It's a good one, isn't it?" I smiled and nodded. Inside, I was cringing. As I listened to my brother sing along, I realize how great it was that we had music at our parish that feeds him, even if it doesn't feed me. I'd prefer some nice chant, but I am SO GLAD that we attend a Mass where we can both be fed, especially while he isn't being fed by the Eucharist.
At Communion ("ARGH. I'm trying to focus on the Eucharist right now!), my brother asked if he could go to a different communion line so my mom could give my niece (who just made First Communion two weeks ago) the Eucharist. Non-Catholics and non-practicing Catholics cross their arms over their chest to get a blessing from the priest/deacons at our parish. If you are in a line with an EMHC, he/she places a hand on your shoulder and says, "Receive Jesus in your heart." After Mass, I heard my brother thank my mom for praying with him. I can only imagine that theirs was more intimate than just this simple phrase. I'm glad I didn't ignore him and encouraged him to go to Mom. I"m sure it made her Mother's Day.
If we are truly going to be stewards of the new evangelization, we need to be open to attending Mass with those like my brother and letting those like him sit and talk around us. My brother is not irreverent, rude, or disruptive at Mass. I mistook his behavior as disruptive at first because I was focused on what I wanted to think, hear and pray about. I wasn't focused on his needs. This is not my Mass. It is the congregation's Mass and I owe it to other members to help them get as much out of Mass as I am trying to. By stepping outside of myself, I can receive so many more gifts during Mass. Perhaps, one day, my brother will return to the Table of the Lord. In the meantime, it's terrific watching his journey.
So, I didn't hear the words of the Good Shepherd during Mass due to all the talking. But after Mass, I stopped to listen to the Good Shepherd in my heart. The Good Shepherd's message to me? "Be a catechist. Treasure these discussions with your brother. Be patient. Don't be annoyed. Help him, but let this journey be his own. These conversations and questions are more important than anything right now. How would you respond to a child in your atrium having these questions/doubts?" And my brother? He openly accepted two Lighthouse Catholic Media CDs I got for him after Mass. He's also due over here for dinner and drinks shortly. We promised to to continue the discussion. God is good.
Monstrance
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
(Un) veiled
In an earlier post, I mentioned the need to step up your Catholic game when expecting a child. This is something we should all do now and again: take stock of our spiritual life and add in new practices that we find helpful.
Especially for those readers who don't know me, I thought I should share on a way I stepped up my Catholicism lately and how I discerned it. This is not a post about me being holy, pious, reverent, or a better person/Catholic than anyone. In fact, it's about how I'm a fairly lousy Catholic despite my best efforts and a rotten sinner in need of Christ's mercy on a daily basis. While this doesn't relate directly to Catholic parenting, I hope it will help you see how we all need to regroup our prayer lives now and again and help our children do this as well. Doing this can make us better spouses and parents. In my case, it makes me better at serving others and the Church.
So, how did I step up my game? I recently returned to the ancient practice of veiling at Mass or in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. It's one of the most difficult things I've ever done for my spiritual life, but it is so very helpful that I find the sacrifices that come with it totally pay off. Unlike other spiritual practices, this is a very public choice. This makes the discernment process a bit more involved than just deciding to say a rosary each night before bed or attend Eucharistic Adoration once a week.
About 2 years ago, my oldest and dearest friend, Amy, announced that she was veiling at Mass and in Adoration. I was intrigued, but it wasn't for me (or so I thought). I asked her about it, did some reading on it, and forgot about it. I saw her in a chapel veil on a few visits, but didn't see how it was relevant to me. I knew another friend, Amanda, veiled but I didn't think it was noteworthy that two holy, inspirational women in my life were veiling. How sad is that? Last Lent, my (then) coworker announced that she was going to veil during Lent. It made me take pause. I did some more reading on veiling and decided to give it a try.
There are many wonderful reasons different women give for veiling and others who struggle with it or don't get as much out of it. I respect a woman's choice in regards to veiling and do not think it is helpful for all. Many Catholic men find it very respectful and value it too, which came as a surprise to me. Here are links to some opinions and personal witnesses which I found helpful in discerning, even if I didn't fully agree with/relate to each of them:
http://chapelveil.blogspot.com/2012/03/why-i-wear-catholic-chapel-veil.html
http://catholicknight.blogspot.com/2007/12/chapel-veil-campaign.html
http://www.arsvivendiblog.com/chapel-veils-why-i-stopped-wearing/
http://www.conversiondiary.com/2013/02/notes-from-beneath-the-veil.html
http://catholichusband.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/the-veil-a-husbands-experience/
http://www.catholic.com/blog/michelle-arnold/the-veil-and-i
http://www.fisheaters.com/theveilthoughts.html
http://catholicinsight.com/to-wear-or-not-to-wear-church-veils-and-mantillas/
I'm not what some would call a "rad trad". I receive Eucharist in the hand. I attend a Novus Ordo parish and (likely) always will since I don't feel particularly called to the Tridentine Mass. I do enjoy a good Byzantine Liturgy now and then, but that's a whole separate post! Veiling is not for a specific type of person or type of Catholic. I am confident this is the biggest misconception in veiling.
The first time I veiled, I was downright petrified. After a while, I forgot about it and found I liked how it felt on my head. It was like Catholic blinders. I'd start to get sidetracked at Mass, see that piece of lace out of the corner of my eye, and return my focus to the Blessed Sacrament. I veiled for about 2 months and then grew weary of it. It was too much work to remember a veil and bobby pins. It drew too much attention to me. I felt odd if I dressed more casually for Mass and still veiled. And I was being judged by coworkers at the parish where I worked. Notice how all of these reasons are about me, not my relationship with Christ. Hmmm...
Fast forward to the Thursday prior to Palm Sunday. I was at daily Mass and something just struck me during the Eucharistic Prayer. I knew I needed to start veiling again. I went home and texted Amy, asking prayer for the courage to start wearing my veil. Amy promised to pray and then informed me she had stopped veiling as her toddler son was pulling it off and it had become too much of a challenge. That did it for me. I assured her I would begin veiling again for not just myself, but for her as well.
Having moved a few months ago, things are not always easily located. Palm Sunday came and went and I still hadn't located my veils. (Yes. Plural. Veils. I have many. More on that in a minute.) I finally found them and decided I would wear a traditional, black mantilla the rest of Holy Week.For the first few days, I was doing it more for Amy than myself. Somewhere during the Mass of the Lord's Supper, it hit me like a bolt of lightening. God reminded me of a few sins I have been particularly struggling with lately. I felt in my heart that by the humble act of veiling, God was going to help me. I needed to do this to remind myself of submitting to God, not myself. I won't say anymore, but let's just say I had the feeling of, "Through veiling, God will show me how to stay on a better path."
Getting dressed up for all the special Masses and prayer services, veiling was easy. God was going to help me and life was great. At the Easter Vigil, I was so eager to bust out my beautiful, white mantilla with a lovely cross on the back. My mom's friend approached and introduced herself before Mass and complimented me on the practice of veiling. It was something she had pondered doing but hadn't make a regular habit of it. It validated my decision to veil. Maybe other people needed me to set the example so they could find the courage to veil too. Woo hoo! Veiling felt awesome!
Amy was in town visiting. I caught up with her briefly after Mass. She said, "You look so beautiful." I knew she didn't mean my hair, make up, or dress. I knew she didn't mean I had a beautiful face. I knew she meant I looked humble and prayerful. God's light was shining through me in a different way because I was veiling. (At least, I think this is what she meant.) It warmed my heart and I felt beautiful in the core of my soul. Sure, my soul is stained with sin, but I am showing God, myself, and others that I want to keep trying to do better.
I had trouble sleeping all week and didn't get up for Mass Monday-Thursday, even though my alarm is set each morning. This morning, I awoke 10 minutes before my alarm went off. I thanked God for helping me to wake refreshed and ready for Mass. Then, my stomach dropped. I haven't veiled at daily Mass yet. Shoot. My students will be there. They will all see me. What will my co-workers think? I wavered back and forth about going to Mass or, if I did go, wearing my veil.
"God, help me to do this. I know I need to go to Mass and I know I need to veil. Give me the courage." And God did. I went to Mass, sat in the front pew (I'm like a 5 year-old. I need to see EVERYTHING.) with my veil on. And you know what? I didn't burst into flames. I didn't die of embarrassment. The priest didn't point and say, "Take that off you silly girl." What did happen was I got more out of the Eucharist. I felt more reverent. It also encourages delightful conversations with people about veiling after Mass. That is always worth it.
The Communion hymn at Mass was Twila Paris' "How Beautiful". During the verse:
And as He laid down His life
We offer this sacrifice
That we will live just as he died
Willing to pay the price
Willing to pay the price
it hit me that it was important for me to make this simple sacrifice of veiling. It was a way to show God my gratitude.
There are plenty of pros and cons each person will face with choosing to veil. Right now, my reasons for veiling are this:
I am not saying veiling is for everyone. It helps me, but it may not benefit you (or your wife, daughter, etc.). You need to experiment with prayer and Catholicism to find something new and different that helps you. If you have older children (ages 10+), help them experiment with their faith through praying the rosary, saying a novena, memorizing a new prayer, or attending Eucharistic Adoration... whatever it might be that is new to them. Whether it's a chapel veil, saying a rosary, attending daily Mass, or going to Confession more often, take time to discern how an extra step in your spiritual life can help you and your family members. Like me, I am sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Especially for those readers who don't know me, I thought I should share on a way I stepped up my Catholicism lately and how I discerned it. This is not a post about me being holy, pious, reverent, or a better person/Catholic than anyone. In fact, it's about how I'm a fairly lousy Catholic despite my best efforts and a rotten sinner in need of Christ's mercy on a daily basis. While this doesn't relate directly to Catholic parenting, I hope it will help you see how we all need to regroup our prayer lives now and again and help our children do this as well. Doing this can make us better spouses and parents. In my case, it makes me better at serving others and the Church.
So, how did I step up my game? I recently returned to the ancient practice of veiling at Mass or in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. It's one of the most difficult things I've ever done for my spiritual life, but it is so very helpful that I find the sacrifices that come with it totally pay off. Unlike other spiritual practices, this is a very public choice. This makes the discernment process a bit more involved than just deciding to say a rosary each night before bed or attend Eucharistic Adoration once a week.
About 2 years ago, my oldest and dearest friend, Amy, announced that she was veiling at Mass and in Adoration. I was intrigued, but it wasn't for me (or so I thought). I asked her about it, did some reading on it, and forgot about it. I saw her in a chapel veil on a few visits, but didn't see how it was relevant to me. I knew another friend, Amanda, veiled but I didn't think it was noteworthy that two holy, inspirational women in my life were veiling. How sad is that? Last Lent, my (then) coworker announced that she was going to veil during Lent. It made me take pause. I did some more reading on veiling and decided to give it a try.
There are many wonderful reasons different women give for veiling and others who struggle with it or don't get as much out of it. I respect a woman's choice in regards to veiling and do not think it is helpful for all. Many Catholic men find it very respectful and value it too, which came as a surprise to me. Here are links to some opinions and personal witnesses which I found helpful in discerning, even if I didn't fully agree with/relate to each of them:
http://chapelveil.blogspot.com/2012/03/why-i-wear-catholic-chapel-veil.html
http://catholicknight.blogspot.com/2007/12/chapel-veil-campaign.html
http://www.arsvivendiblog.com/chapel-veils-why-i-stopped-wearing/
http://www.conversiondiary.com/2013/02/notes-from-beneath-the-veil.html
http://catholichusband.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/the-veil-a-husbands-experience/
http://www.catholic.com/blog/michelle-arnold/the-veil-and-i
http://www.fisheaters.com/theveilthoughts.html
http://catholicinsight.com/to-wear-or-not-to-wear-church-veils-and-mantillas/
I'm not what some would call a "rad trad". I receive Eucharist in the hand. I attend a Novus Ordo parish and (likely) always will since I don't feel particularly called to the Tridentine Mass. I do enjoy a good Byzantine Liturgy now and then, but that's a whole separate post! Veiling is not for a specific type of person or type of Catholic. I am confident this is the biggest misconception in veiling.
The first time I veiled, I was downright petrified. After a while, I forgot about it and found I liked how it felt on my head. It was like Catholic blinders. I'd start to get sidetracked at Mass, see that piece of lace out of the corner of my eye, and return my focus to the Blessed Sacrament. I veiled for about 2 months and then grew weary of it. It was too much work to remember a veil and bobby pins. It drew too much attention to me. I felt odd if I dressed more casually for Mass and still veiled. And I was being judged by coworkers at the parish where I worked. Notice how all of these reasons are about me, not my relationship with Christ. Hmmm...
Fast forward to the Thursday prior to Palm Sunday. I was at daily Mass and something just struck me during the Eucharistic Prayer. I knew I needed to start veiling again. I went home and texted Amy, asking prayer for the courage to start wearing my veil. Amy promised to pray and then informed me she had stopped veiling as her toddler son was pulling it off and it had become too much of a challenge. That did it for me. I assured her I would begin veiling again for not just myself, but for her as well.
Having moved a few months ago, things are not always easily located. Palm Sunday came and went and I still hadn't located my veils. (Yes. Plural. Veils. I have many. More on that in a minute.) I finally found them and decided I would wear a traditional, black mantilla the rest of Holy Week.For the first few days, I was doing it more for Amy than myself. Somewhere during the Mass of the Lord's Supper, it hit me like a bolt of lightening. God reminded me of a few sins I have been particularly struggling with lately. I felt in my heart that by the humble act of veiling, God was going to help me. I needed to do this to remind myself of submitting to God, not myself. I won't say anymore, but let's just say I had the feeling of, "Through veiling, God will show me how to stay on a better path."
Getting dressed up for all the special Masses and prayer services, veiling was easy. God was going to help me and life was great. At the Easter Vigil, I was so eager to bust out my beautiful, white mantilla with a lovely cross on the back. My mom's friend approached and introduced herself before Mass and complimented me on the practice of veiling. It was something she had pondered doing but hadn't make a regular habit of it. It validated my decision to veil. Maybe other people needed me to set the example so they could find the courage to veil too. Woo hoo! Veiling felt awesome!
Amy was in town visiting. I caught up with her briefly after Mass. She said, "You look so beautiful." I knew she didn't mean my hair, make up, or dress. I knew she didn't mean I had a beautiful face. I knew she meant I looked humble and prayerful. God's light was shining through me in a different way because I was veiling. (At least, I think this is what she meant.) It warmed my heart and I felt beautiful in the core of my soul. Sure, my soul is stained with sin, but I am showing God, myself, and others that I want to keep trying to do better.
I had trouble sleeping all week and didn't get up for Mass Monday-Thursday, even though my alarm is set each morning. This morning, I awoke 10 minutes before my alarm went off. I thanked God for helping me to wake refreshed and ready for Mass. Then, my stomach dropped. I haven't veiled at daily Mass yet. Shoot. My students will be there. They will all see me. What will my co-workers think? I wavered back and forth about going to Mass or, if I did go, wearing my veil.
"God, help me to do this. I know I need to go to Mass and I know I need to veil. Give me the courage." And God did. I went to Mass, sat in the front pew (I'm like a 5 year-old. I need to see EVERYTHING.) with my veil on. And you know what? I didn't burst into flames. I didn't die of embarrassment. The priest didn't point and say, "Take that off you silly girl." What did happen was I got more out of the Eucharist. I felt more reverent. It also encourages delightful conversations with people about veiling after Mass. That is always worth it.
The Communion hymn at Mass was Twila Paris' "How Beautiful". During the verse:
And as He laid down His life
We offer this sacrifice
That we will live just as he died
Willing to pay the price
Willing to pay the price
it hit me that it was important for me to make this simple sacrifice of veiling. It was a way to show God my gratitude.
There are plenty of pros and cons each person will face with choosing to veil. Right now, my reasons for veiling are this:
- It helps me focus more on the Holy Eucharist.
- Taking an extra step of reverence when entering Mass or approaching the Blessed Sacrament makes me feel like I'm giving something small back to God.
- It helps unite me to our Holy Mother who would have always warn a head covering.
- It makes me less vain about my hair and make-up at Mass.
- I feel confident God will help me with some struggles in my life as I continue to do this.
- I veil for those who cannot or will not (but want to) veil right now.
- It makes me so very humble when I enter church.
- It's old fashioned.
- People might stare, laugh, judge, etc.
- People will think I am trying to be super pious.
- I will embarrass my parents, siblings, and niece when we go to Mass.
- The priest will think I am trying too hard.
I am not saying veiling is for everyone. It helps me, but it may not benefit you (or your wife, daughter, etc.). You need to experiment with prayer and Catholicism to find something new and different that helps you. If you have older children (ages 10+), help them experiment with their faith through praying the rosary, saying a novena, memorizing a new prayer, or attending Eucharistic Adoration... whatever it might be that is new to them. Whether it's a chapel veil, saying a rosary, attending daily Mass, or going to Confession more often, take time to discern how an extra step in your spiritual life can help you and your family members. Like me, I am sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Parents as First Catechists
What is the purpose of First Catechists? When your child was baptized, the following (or very similar) dialogue took place:
Celebrant: What name do you give your child? (or: have you given?)
Parents: N.
Celebrant: What do you ask of God’s Church for N.?
Parents: Baptism.
Celebrant: You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?
Parents: We do.
After years of working in a parish setting, I can honestly say this is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, struggle for Catholic parents. They do not feel equipped to be their child's first catechist, they are not willing to serve as their child's primary catechist, and/or they don't understand how to be a catechist for their child. Many kids leave the faith between the ages of 12-18 and parents wonder why. "I took them to Mass every week and sent them to Catholic school or religious education classes. What happened?" I'm here to help!
Whether your child is kicking you in the womb during Mass, a toddler climbing all over the pews, an elementary age child poking their sibling in the rib cage during the homily, or a sullen teen who looks as if he'd rather have a root canal than be at church, I want to provide you with tools and set you up for success in serving as a catechist for your child.
Do you feel equipped to teach your child to count to 10 even though you cannot do long division? Are you confident in teaching the ABC's even though you rely on spell check every day? If you can mumble your way through the Our Father, you are ready to be a catechist. You don't need a degree in theology, have the Catechism memorized, or be a daily Mass goer. You simply need to have a willingness to share what you do know about your faith with your child and be willing to grow alongside him/her. Are you ready? Good. Me too.
Through posting various talks, handouts and curricula I have written as well as writing blog posts, I hope to give you some ideas and tools to share the Catholic faith with your child. I will also share links to some of my favorite resources. I want to help your family live a rich faith life so you can watch your child grow in wisdom, age, and grace.
Celebrant: What name do you give your child? (or: have you given?)
Parents: N.
Celebrant: What do you ask of God’s Church for N.?
Parents: Baptism.
Celebrant: You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?
Parents: We do.
After years of working in a parish setting, I can honestly say this is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, struggle for Catholic parents. They do not feel equipped to be their child's first catechist, they are not willing to serve as their child's primary catechist, and/or they don't understand how to be a catechist for their child. Many kids leave the faith between the ages of 12-18 and parents wonder why. "I took them to Mass every week and sent them to Catholic school or religious education classes. What happened?" I'm here to help!
Whether your child is kicking you in the womb during Mass, a toddler climbing all over the pews, an elementary age child poking their sibling in the rib cage during the homily, or a sullen teen who looks as if he'd rather have a root canal than be at church, I want to provide you with tools and set you up for success in serving as a catechist for your child.
Do you feel equipped to teach your child to count to 10 even though you cannot do long division? Are you confident in teaching the ABC's even though you rely on spell check every day? If you can mumble your way through the Our Father, you are ready to be a catechist. You don't need a degree in theology, have the Catechism memorized, or be a daily Mass goer. You simply need to have a willingness to share what you do know about your faith with your child and be willing to grow alongside him/her. Are you ready? Good. Me too.
Through posting various talks, handouts and curricula I have written as well as writing blog posts, I hope to give you some ideas and tools to share the Catholic faith with your child. I will also share links to some of my favorite resources. I want to help your family live a rich faith life so you can watch your child grow in wisdom, age, and grace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)