Roles of Pastors, DREs, and Others

Pastors, DREs, deacons, catechists, teachers, and others definitely have a role in helping raise your child in the faith, but they are not to be the primary educator. How can they back parents and support them in their catechetical role? Would it surprise you to hear that many of the things they do, inadvertently, take away from the child's faith experience and formation rather than enhance it? Let's discuss...

How many of you belong to parishes that offer Children's Liturgy of the Word? These are programs that remove the children from the Mass- typically from the beginning of the homily until the Offeratory or so. They are typically taken to a location where they can discuss the scriptures or do activities relating to the readings. In theory, this sounds great: let's keep the kids from squirming during the homily, let's help them understand what's happening, and let's give their parents a break. This seems wonderful, doesn't it?Unfortunately, here's what often happens: kids don't learn to sit through Mass and are more antsy on weeks they do not have this opportunity. They also learn that whatever parts of the Mass they miss are non-essential and/or not for them. This attitude can only serve to harm them, spiritually, as they grow. Additionally, children are not as engaged as the grow older (and outgrow CLOW) because they have learned this part of Mass is boring and not for young people.

Pastors, we need to review our nurseries/cry rooms for this same reason. We need programs to help parents sit with their kids through the Mass. It can be done and done well if parents, pastors, and parish staff work together to come up with creative solutions. Kids look at the cry room as a reward for fussing during Mass. They need to be encouraged and invited to stay and participate in the Liturgy. If you have a cry room, it should have seats and nothing else- no toys, books, or other distractions. What about an adopt-a-grandparent program? Your parishes are full of elderly widows who have snuggled dozens of children and grandchildren over the years. Invite them to meet up with families with 2, 3, or more little ones to help them sit through the Mass. Often, parents could keep little ones situated if they just had one or two extra sets of hands. Or what about using this as a service hour opportunity for your teens?

My other major pet peeve is RE classes on Sunday morning. Whether it's during Mass times or sandwiched between Mass times, it typically creates a problem. During Mass times, we are telling parents to get rid of their kids and implying that class is more important than Mass attendance. Oh, we say this isn't the case. We tell the parents we expect them to attend Mass at a different time, but we know the majority aren't doing this. Why even make this a possibility? If you must have Sunday religious education (tight facility scheduling is often the reasoning as well as it being the only day students are free), do it in the late afternoons or evenings, separate from Mass times. This might seem like an inconvenience, but at some point we have to gently and lovingly guide parents to make RE a priority over other activities of the week.

I once worked at a parish where RE classes were sandwiched between 9 and 11 AM Masses. What a disaster! There was constant pressure to finish Mass in 55 minutes to get the students to class. Catechists who attended 9 AM Mass had no set up time and were rushing in the room at the same time as the kids. Many left after communion because Mass often ran a tad over an hour. We had 60 minutes for class, but catechists were lucky to get 40 minutes of teaching time. Around 10:15 you could finally start. We dismissed at 11 which meant those who attended the later Mass were forever wandering in late. It was awful for everyone: students & catechists, parents, etc. The worst part was the disruptions from the constant stream of kids and catechists coming in late for the 11 AM Mass. Please, please, please offer classes during the afternoons/evenings of the week and avoid the temptation to fall into the Sunday morning "convenience" routine.

Curriculum choice is an enormous struggle. I won't lambaste specific publishers here, but there are a number of curriculum that I won't touch with a 10-foot pole. They are either watered down, overly simplistic, teach to the head and not the heart, or are just poorly written. Let me list some of my favorite resources here:

• Catechesis of the Good Shepherd does a terrific job at spiritually reaching the kids where they are at. Love their program and cannot promote it enough.
• While I haven't used it yet, I am very intrigued by Our Sunday Visitor's Alive in Christ and think it could be an amazing program. I was planning to adapt it at my last parish after it had been out a year or two. I continue to hear wonderful things about it.
• There are too many to list here, but St. Mary's Press and Ascension Press have some amazing books, resources, and supplements I cannot live without. 
• Ignatius Press puts out a great curriculum which is very solid.
• I am smitten with the work of Matthew Kelly and the Dynamic Catholic Institute. I write my own sacramental prep curricula, but I think his could prove to be outstanding. I am eager to preview their Confirmation and other prep programs as they are released. 

I see the role of the pastors, DREs, and others to truly discern what parents need and support them.  They need to pray on, discern, and explore long-term implications of the programs they offer. If programs look convenient but will not be best for the spiritual needs of the kids, the pastor and DRE need the backbone (and support) to make tough decisions such as eliminating programs, changing times, etc. These changes needn't happen overnight, but if your community works together and doesn't always resort to the easiest solution, real spiritual benefits can happen for families and change can start in the hearts of your youngest parishioners.

Pastors and parish staff also need to catechize parents, particularly from the period of baptism through First Communion. Parents need tools, ideas, help and resources to raise their children in the faith. They need the parish to reach out to them after baptismal prep and prior to enrolling in 1st grade for school/RE. They need to support parents in attending parish programs by offering child care during formation opportunities as often as possible. More parents would come if it were offered as a "night out" opportunity with wine, snacks, and free baby sitting!

Well formed parents are well formed primary catechists. Well formed primary catechists will help your parish make changes that keep the family together for Masses and make Mass the #1 priority of the week. Don't make sudden changes your parish isn't ready for. Improve adult education about the Mass and gently lead parents to see Children's Liturgy of the Word as nonessential. Build programs that allow older widows in the parish to sit with the parents of six kids to help hold babies and soothe cranky toddlers. The need for nurseries will diminish as families experience the joy of peacefully worshiping together. Find RE options that make Sunday morning RE unnecessary.

Helping others follow the Good Shepherd

Hopefully, by now, my readers know that I am not against talking during Mass. Sometimes it is essential to help kids understand what is happening. Unfortunately, I have become so cranky, particular, and caught up in myself that in my "old" age, I am not so understanding of adults talking during Mass. I'm also very anal retentive about what style music is sung during Mass and several other minute factors.  God is really challenging me with this lately and for that I am grateful. This is not so much about being a child's "first catechist" but how we are all called to catechize those who need it, regardless of age.

On Good Friday, I had got to church early and was sitting with close friends. Two women behind me kept whispering. Loudly. Over the prelude hymn. It continued, occasionally, during the Lord's Passion. I was frustrated and annoyed. I would, occasionally, glance over my shoulder hoping they would get the hint and shush. It wasn't until we neared the veneration of the cross that I made out enough of their conversation to understand what was happening behind me. The women weren't Catholic (or at least not currently practicing). They were flipping through the missalette and trying to figure out what things like "veneration of the cross" meant. Sheesh. I felt like a heel. Since we had to leave in silence, I didn't get to apologize for being so rude to them. I made sure to give a friendly smile, though, when I caught the eye of one of them.

My brother is struggling with returning to the Church right now. While I won't go into his private journey here, I will say that he asks lots of amazing questions about faith, scripture, and Catholicism. Fortunately, my mom (a high school theology teacher) and I usually have answers or know where to direct him. That's all you need to know to understand what happened today.

As a catechist in Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, I am always eager for Good Shepherd Sunday. As I sat down in the pew, I told my niece that these were my favorite readings of the year. I was as giddy as a school girl and couldn't wait for the readings and homily. My brother and his girlfriend arrived just as Mass was beginning and I ended up seated next to my brother. Even though he comes to Mass with some regularity, I haven't sat next to him recently.

During the second reading, he had questions about Peter: when was he born? when did he die? was he Jesus' contemporary? etc. They were excellent questions and important. I patiently answered them. I tried to get refocused for the gospel, but he had more questions. "Is this a parable?" When I explained it came from the Last Supper discourse, "why are we reading a Last Supper story after Easter?" During the homily, Fr. mentioned John, the Beloved Disciple. "Was that John the Baptist?" "What do you mean he died before Jesus? How?" "That book Fr. is recommending (on Marian consecration) sounds good. I need a tool like that."

I know I sighed a few times, but always with a smile. We were talking, a lot, and probably annoying people around us even though we tried to whisper. But it was SO GOOD. And fruitful. I love that my brother cares so much about Mass, scripture, and his faith, even if he is a little lost right now. Spiritually, my brother is like a skeptical, young child, trying to understand his faith. I need to honor this with the same patience and compassion as I would a child. I wouldn't have been at all annoyed if my niece was asking these questions. And I heard enough of the homily to know Father was talking about using Mary to learn how to follow the Good Shepherd. My brother might need to go through my mom and I to get to Mary right now while he sorts out his feelings/beliefs. And that's a good thing because any journey in the direction of Christ is an outstanding journey!!

The talking didn't stop after the homily. During communion, they announced we would sing that Glory and Praise classic: Gift of Finest Wheat. My brother leans over and whispers, "I've always liked this song. It's a good one, isn't it?" I smiled and nodded. Inside, I was cringing. As I listened to my brother sing along, I realize how great it was that we had music at our parish that feeds him, even if it doesn't feed me. I'd prefer some nice chant, but I am SO GLAD that we attend a Mass where we can both be fed, especially while he isn't being fed by the Eucharist.

 At Communion ("ARGH. I'm trying to focus on the Eucharist right now!), my brother asked if he could go to a different communion line so my mom could give my niece (who just made First Communion two weeks ago) the Eucharist. Non-Catholics and non-practicing Catholics cross their arms over their chest to get a blessing from the priest/deacons at our parish. If you are in a line with an EMHC, he/she places a hand on your shoulder and says, "Receive Jesus in your heart." After Mass, I heard my brother thank my mom for praying with him. I can only imagine that theirs was more intimate than just this simple phrase. I'm glad I didn't ignore him and encouraged him to go to Mom. I"m sure it made her Mother's Day.

If we are truly going to be stewards of the new evangelization, we need to be open to attending Mass with those like my brother and letting those like him sit and talk around us. My brother is not irreverent, rude, or disruptive at Mass. I mistook his behavior as disruptive at first because I was focused on what I wanted to think, hear and pray about. I wasn't focused on his needs. This is not my Mass. It is the congregation's Mass and I owe it to other members to help them get as much out of Mass as I am trying to. By stepping outside of myself, I can receive so many more gifts during Mass. Perhaps, one day, my brother will return to the Table of the Lord. In the meantime, it's terrific watching his journey.

So, I didn't hear the words of the Good Shepherd during Mass due to all the talking. But after Mass, I stopped to listen to the Good Shepherd in my heart. The Good Shepherd's message to me? "Be a catechist. Treasure these discussions with your brother. Be patient. Don't be annoyed. Help him, but let this journey be his own. These conversations and questions are more important than anything right now. How would you respond to a child in your atrium having these questions/doubts?" And my brother? He openly accepted two Lighthouse Catholic Media CDs I got for him after Mass. He's also due over here for dinner and drinks shortly. We promised to to continue the discussion. God is good.

Young children (3-6) and Mass attendance

As promised in my post about infants and toddlers during Mass, I'll continue to talk about ways you can help children of different ages engage during the Mass so you have less whining, trips to the cry room, and  climbing on the pews. I cannot guarantee I'll eliminate it completely, but with consistency, I am confident you will have better behaved little ones.

I actually think this is the most fun age to be with kids during Mass. There is so much to teach them and so many ways to engage them. I see so many parents with their children of this age sticking them in the pew with a bag of cheerios, a coloring book, and/or toys. My first piece of advice is: STOP! If you choose to allow anything, make sure it is Catholic in nature and make a plan for weaning off of it. For instance, start by only allowing it during the Liturgy of the Word (put away during the Offertory), then only allow it during the homily, and after 6 months- 1 year, tell them they may no longer bring anything to "do" during Mass.

First of all, try to find a Mass time that works well for your family schedule and doesn't interfere with meal/snack/nap times. Also, find a calming routine for the ride to Mass. It's likely you've spent the last hour feeding,diapering, and dressing little ones. There may have been yelling and tears by the kids and the parents.You need to use the walk/ride to Mass to get focused. You can play religious music in the car (preferably chant to quiet people down and get into that reflective mood), you can discuss what you're thankful for this week, you can practice learning prayers, and/or decide who you want to pray for when you get to church.

I highly recommend trying to get to Mass 10-15 minutes early when you're bringing little ones. This might seem ridiculous. If your children aren't behaving, why would you want to have more time at church with them? Here's why:

• Upon arriving, visit the restrooms and make everyone TRY to go. This will cut down on/eliminate trips during Mass. 
• Use the gathering space or narthex to say 'hi' to friends, visit, and ask any last minute questions not related to Mass. Remind your kids you will only answer questions about church once inside.
• Let them wander a little. Take them to see a statue or stained glass window and discuss it. Pray in front of the tabernacle. Light a candle. Get the wiggles out, but in an appropriate way that gets them ready for Mass.
• Find seats up front, preferably letting the children take turns choosing. Kids do better when they can see all the action and having a say in where they sit will help.
• Assign jobs to your little ones: putting the kneeler up and down, passing out hymnals, and putting the envelope in the basket. Especially until they are only enough to receive the Eucharist, they need ways of feeling their presence is essential. These don't seem "religious" but it will help your child with paying attention to what is happening and when.

During the readings, let your children follow along and help them. I know some people are big on hearing the word of God proclaimed instead of reading it and I don't underestimate this importance. However, your children are going to be asking you "when is it over?" so being able to show them will help. They can learn patience this way. At this age, my niece used the missalette to anticipate her favorite part of Mass: the Alleluia. By age 5, she could find this word on the page and knew how many more readings until that song. Until they are old enough to follow orally and desire to do so, the missalette is a huge help! Plus, you're reinforcing reading skills! Be sure to do the same with ALL the prayers so your children can work on learning them. 

Depending on the context of the readings, you may wish to whisper a 1 or 2 sentence summary of the reading to your child at the end. It can be simple: This reading is about forgiving people. They just talked about listening to your mom and dad. Do the same during the homily. Your children will have more of a desire to sit still and behave if they can understand how this relates to them. If this isn't your forte, check out some samples of the curriculum I'm writing to help with this. I prefer this curriculum being used before Mass, but you may need to use it during until you get the hang of how to help the kids understand what's happening.

Don't be afraid to whisper narrative of other parts of the Mass to children. They will pay more attention if you are helping them understand what is happening and why. "Fr. is going to explain the readings now." "The bread and wine are coming up. They will become Jesus' Body and Blood." "The bread and wine are now Jesus in the Eucharist."

Find out how your church arranges for people to bring up the gifts. Usually, it involves checking with an usher or a sign up method of some sort. This morning, my niece asked to leave 10 minutes earlier than usual in hopes we could take up the gifts. We were too late, but she wasn't disappointed since she understands the system. I'm glad she was so eager to get to Mass and finds ways to make the experience more valuable to her.

A great way my parish engages kids is during the Offertory. Starting a few years ago, the ushers place several baskets around the foot of the altar. Baskets are still passed to the rest of the congregation. Children are encouraged to bring up their donations. (Our parish has awesome tithing envelopes the kids can get in the back of church. In addition or in place of gifts of treasure, kids write down their gifts of time/talent. More often than note, they publish 4-5 of these "gifts" in the bulletin the next week under a section labeled "Children's Stewardship". Each post is signed with first name and last initial. They are usually things such as: "Helped Mom with the dishes." "Read to my little brother." "Visited Grandma in the nursing home." My niece has felt like a celebrity each time she has been published over the years.) At Mass, I watch dozens of children race up around the altar with their envelopes, often holding the hands of their siblings to give their weekly contribution.  Again, this simple process helps the kids get more out of Mass and feel they are contributing.

If your parish permits, let your children come up to Communion with you for a blessing. Please take note of how your parish engages in this practice. Only priest and deacons can bless. At our parish, lay EMHC place a hand on the shoulder of individuals coming up with arms crossed. They do not bless, but rather pray aloud, "receive Jesus in your heart". Having your children come with you rather than sitting in the pew will help increase their desire for the Eucharist as they grow older.

The most important thing you can be doing throughout Mass is praying all prayers and responses and singing, even quietly. Your children need to see you participating to foster their own willingness to participate. It also teaches them (and reinforces for us) that the Mass is about offering ourselves back to God. We do that by praying fully and wholly with our hearts, minds, souls, voices, and bodies. Our gestures, attitude, and participation impact how our children  pray at Mass. Similarly, if you get int he car and complain about the length/content of homily, how the cantor was dressed, etc. your child will think there is nothing worthwhile at church and no point in attending.

After Mass, encourage the kids to talk with the priest and thank him. Visit with people you know (in the narthex or gathering space- not the sanctuary). Get to know someone new, especially if you sit by the same people each week. Building relationships with your church community will help the children want to go to be able to visit with their parish family. You want your children to equate Mass attendance with as many positive experiences as possible- not with the place where you go to not move or talk for an hour.

Lastly, parents need to look at the curriculum being used by their school and religious education programs. Does it help the children fall in love with Christ and the Eucharist? Does is help them understand the Mass (not just memorize what it includes)? Regular readers know that I am a huge advocate for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. The reason is because it does all these things and more. As children get to know Christ, the Good Shepherd, they desire to be at Mass. It makes sense to them once they know the prayers and reasoning behind them. They know to look for certain gestures and prayers that are essential in the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

I hope this helps all of you parents. Please post your other ideas for engaging your young children at Mass in the comments.

And, since I happened to complete this post today, let's add Happy Mother's Day to all mothers: natural, adopted, step, god. I add special prayers going out to mothers who have lost children through abortion, miscarriage, or dying young. No mom should ever have to bury a child and this day is tough for so many people.

Heaven IS for Real (and so are miracles)

Like many of you, I read Todd Burpo's book, "Heaven is for Real" a few years back and then had the pleasure of seeing the movie this weekend. If you aren't familiar with the story (spoiler alert), it's the true story of a boy who nearly died during an operation. During his operation he had an experience (we'll discuss what sort of experience later) where he visited heaven. Over the course of several months, he shares the story with his father about what he saw, learned, and experienced.

The story is very moving, but several things really struck me today (more so than when I read the book a few years back). These things relate to children, their spiritual lives, and how we respond to their spiritual experiences. I'll be revealing bits and pieces of the book and movie as I go, so please don't continue reading if it's important to you to be surprised. I won't be posting "spoiler alert" each and every time I mention the book/film.

Colton Burpo is a typical, 4 year-old boy living in Nebraska with his parents and older sister. His father is pastor of the Wesleyan church the family attends. The father's profession figures greatly into this story. Colton suffers a ruptured appendix and undergoes lifesaving surgery. Naturally, his parents are distraught and call many parishioners to pray during the surgery. There are agonizing hours where they are unsure if their little boy will survive or not.

Colton Burpo survives, but that is not the true miracle of this story. In the weeks following, Colton and his dad take a vacation to celebrate his recovery. On the trip, they visit a park. Colton tells his dad he has been there before. His dad assures him they have not. Colton says he was there "when the angels sang to him". At his dad's prompting, Colton reveals more. During the operation, Colton says he left his body. He witnessed his dad praying and shouting with God in the chapel while his mom called parishioners in another part of the hospital. These things happened, but Todd knows Colton would have no way of knowing that.

In the days to come, Colton reveals many things to his father: what Jesus looks like, stories about his deceased great-grandfather, and many more. Todd Burpo struggles. He wants to believe his son, but this doesn't make sense. He didn't die. It wasn't a near-death experience.

Here's where I struggle. Colton's mom does not believe her son. She and many others dismiss him. It's as though they do not believe it's possible for a young child to have a profound, religious experience. It wouldn't bother me so  much if we weren't discussing a pastor's wife and devout parishioners. It made me sad for Colton. Neither the movie or book seemed to show that the unbelievers told Colton directly they didn't believe him.

Children are capable of deep, real, and profound religious experiences.  That's one of the reasons I love Catechesis of the Good Shepherd.We allow children to grow deeply in their relationship with Christ, the Good Shepherd. We never dismiss the child's profound interactions with the mysterious. Rather, we acknowledge and validate it. The video below shows a catechist's plea to bring CGS to her parish and describes the program perfectly.

This weekend, Catholics worldwide celebrated the joyous canonizations of Popes John XXIII and John Paul II. We know that part of the canonization process involves the validation of miracles. This made me reflect further on the film. I'm inclined to believe that if Colton Burpo was Catholic, he would have had a more positive experience and more believers, initially. As Catholics, we look for miracles and know they are everywhere. We witness a miracle each and every time we attend Mass. I think one of the (many) beauties of our faith is our willingness to honor and acknowledge that the bridge between heaven and earth is short and knows no bounds.

Saint John Paul II visiting Sofia Cavalletti in her Rome atria.

Did Colton Burpo visit heaven? I don't know. I do know that something miraculous took place. This miraculous event allowed him to see and experience things that do not seem to be of this world. In my opinion, Colton probably didn't visit heaven. Why do I think that? I think that Colton and those who have near-death experiences do not fully experience heaven. I think heaven is truly beyond description. I think that Colton and those with near-death experiences have miraculous encounters with God, Jesus, angels, and/or deceased loved ones. I do, however, believe these experiences are true and real. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they did visit heaven. Either way, it doesn't really matter.  What matters is that someone experienced a miracle and chose to share that miracle with us.

Eventually, Colton Burpo's mother comes to believe him. She learns that Colton met a sister in heaven, the unborn child she had lost in the womb a few years before. It was beautiful to see her come to accept her child's experience as real. I just felt sad that it took her so long to get there.

I hope you leave this post wanting to honor the religious experiences of those children most near and dear to you. You might be humbled, surprised, and inspired by doing so. Do you have stories of your child's miraculous or profound encounter with God? I hope you'll share it in the comments!

(Un) veiled

In an earlier post, I mentioned the need to step up your Catholic game when expecting a child. This is something we should all do now and again: take stock of our spiritual life and add in new practices that we find helpful.

Especially for those readers who don't know me, I thought I should share on a way I stepped up my Catholicism lately and how I discerned it. This is not a post about me being holy, pious, reverent, or a better person/Catholic than anyone. In fact, it's about how I'm a fairly lousy Catholic despite my best efforts and a rotten sinner in need of Christ's mercy on a daily basis. While this doesn't relate directly to Catholic parenting, I hope it will help you see how we all need to regroup our prayer lives now and again and help our children do this as well. Doing this can make us better spouses and parents. In my case, it makes me better at serving others and the Church.

So, how did I step up my game? I recently returned to the ancient practice of veiling at Mass or in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. It's one of the most difficult things I've ever done for my spiritual life, but it is so very helpful that I find the sacrifices that come with it totally pay off. Unlike other spiritual practices, this is a very public choice. This makes the discernment process a bit more involved than just deciding to say a rosary each night before bed or attend Eucharistic Adoration once a week.

About 2 years ago, my oldest and dearest friend, Amy, announced that she was veiling at Mass and in Adoration. I was intrigued, but it wasn't for me (or so I thought). I asked her about it, did some reading on it, and forgot about it. I saw her in a chapel veil on a few visits, but didn't see how it was relevant to me. I knew another friend, Amanda, veiled but I didn't think it was noteworthy that two holy, inspirational women in my life were veiling. How sad is that? Last Lent, my (then) coworker announced that she was going to veil during Lent. It made me take pause. I did some more reading on veiling and decided to give it a try.

There are many wonderful reasons different women give for veiling and others who struggle with it or don't get as much out of it. I respect a woman's choice in regards to veiling and do not think it is helpful for all. Many Catholic men find it very respectful and value it too, which came as a surprise to me. Here are links to some opinions and personal witnesses which I found helpful in discerning, even if I didn't fully agree with/relate to each of them:

http://chapelveil.blogspot.com/2012/03/why-i-wear-catholic-chapel-veil.html 
http://catholicknight.blogspot.com/2007/12/chapel-veil-campaign.html 
http://www.arsvivendiblog.com/chapel-veils-why-i-stopped-wearing/
 http://www.conversiondiary.com/2013/02/notes-from-beneath-the-veil.html
http://catholichusband.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/the-veil-a-husbands-experience/
 http://www.catholic.com/blog/michelle-arnold/the-veil-and-i
http://www.fisheaters.com/theveilthoughts.html 
http://catholicinsight.com/to-wear-or-not-to-wear-church-veils-and-mantillas/

I'm not what some would call a "rad trad". I receive Eucharist in the hand. I attend a Novus Ordo parish and (likely) always will since I don't feel particularly called to the Tridentine Mass. I do enjoy a good Byzantine Liturgy now and then, but that's a whole separate post! Veiling is not for a specific type of person or type of Catholic. I am confident this is the biggest misconception in veiling.

The first time I veiled, I was downright petrified. After a while, I forgot about it and found I liked how it felt on my head. It was like Catholic blinders. I'd start to get sidetracked at Mass, see that piece of lace out of the corner of my eye, and return my focus to the Blessed Sacrament. I veiled for about 2 months and then grew weary of it. It was too much work to remember a veil and bobby pins. It drew too much attention to me. I felt odd if I dressed more casually for Mass and still veiled. And I was being judged by coworkers at the parish where I worked. Notice how all of these reasons are about me, not my relationship with Christ. Hmmm...

Fast forward to the Thursday prior to Palm Sunday. I was at daily Mass and something just struck me during the Eucharistic Prayer. I knew I needed to start veiling again. I went home and texted Amy, asking prayer for the courage to start wearing my veil. Amy promised to pray and then informed me she had stopped veiling as her toddler son was pulling it off and it had become too much of a challenge. That did it for me. I assured her I would begin veiling again for not just myself, but for her as well.

Having moved a few months ago, things are not always easily located. Palm Sunday came and went and I still hadn't located my veils. (Yes. Plural. Veils. I have many. More on that in a minute.) I finally found them and decided I would wear a traditional, black mantilla the rest of Holy Week.For the first few days, I was doing it more for Amy than myself. Somewhere during the Mass of the Lord's Supper, it hit me like a bolt of lightening. God reminded me of a few sins I have been particularly struggling with lately. I felt in my heart that by the humble act of veiling, God was going to help me. I needed to do this to remind myself of submitting to  God, not myself. I won't say anymore, but let's just say I had the feeling of, "Through veiling, God will show me how to stay on a better path."
 
Getting dressed up for all the special Masses and prayer services, veiling was easy. God was going to help me and life was great. At the Easter Vigil, I was so eager to bust out my beautiful, white mantilla with a lovely cross on the back. My mom's friend approached and introduced herself before Mass and complimented me on the practice of veiling. It was something she had pondered doing but hadn't make a regular habit of it. It validated my decision to veil. Maybe other people needed me to set the example so they could find the courage to veil too. Woo hoo! Veiling felt awesome!

Amy was in town visiting. I caught up with her briefly after Mass. She said, "You look so beautiful." I knew she didn't mean my hair, make up, or dress. I knew she didn't mean I had a beautiful face. I knew she meant I looked humble and prayerful. God's light was shining through me in a different way because I was veiling. (At least, I think this is what she meant.) It warmed my heart and I felt beautiful in the core of my soul. Sure, my soul is stained with sin, but I am showing God, myself, and others that I want to keep trying to do better.

I had trouble sleeping all week and didn't get up for Mass Monday-Thursday, even though my alarm is set each morning. This morning, I awoke 10 minutes before my alarm went off. I thanked God for helping me to wake refreshed and ready for Mass. Then, my stomach dropped. I haven't veiled at daily Mass yet. Shoot. My students will be there. They will all see me. What will my co-workers think? I wavered back and forth about going to Mass or, if I did go, wearing my veil.

"God, help me to do this. I know I need to go to Mass and I know I need to veil. Give me the courage." And God did. I went to Mass, sat in the front pew (I'm like a 5 year-old. I need to see EVERYTHING.) with my veil on. And you know what? I didn't burst into flames. I didn't die of embarrassment. The priest didn't point and say, "Take that off you silly girl." What did happen was I got more out of the Eucharist. I felt more reverent. It also encourages delightful conversations with people about veiling after Mass. That is always worth it.

The Communion hymn at Mass was Twila Paris' "How Beautiful". During the verse:
And as He laid down His life
We offer this sacrifice
That we will live just as he died
Willing to pay the price
Willing to pay the price
 it hit me that it was important for me to make this simple sacrifice of veiling. It was a way to show God my gratitude.

There are plenty of pros and cons each person will face with choosing to veil.  Right now, my reasons for veiling are this:

• It helps me focus more on the Holy Eucharist.
• Taking an extra step of reverence when entering Mass or approaching the Blessed Sacrament makes me feel like I'm giving something small back to God.
• It helps unite me to our Holy Mother who would have always warn a head covering.
• It makes me less vain about my hair and make-up at Mass.
• I feel confident God will help me with some struggles in my life as I continue to do this.
• I veil for those who cannot or will not (but want to) veil right now.
• It makes me so very humble when I enter church.

I have terrific arguments in my head against it:

• It's old fashioned.
• People might stare, laugh, judge, etc.
• People will think I am trying to be super pious. 
• I will embarrass my parents, siblings, and niece when we go to Mass.
• The priest will think I am trying too hard.

Notice the pros are all about my spiritual life and the cons are all about others. I need to put my spiritual life first and take this little step, even if it causes some unnecessary attention at times. I do try to make veiling fun. Traditionally, single women wore white and married women wore black. I wear veils of all different styles and colors. Some are ones I have made and others are ones I have purchased. I've seen some really cool crocheted ones I like. I hope to learn crocheting soon so I can make even more.  I try to match the veils to my outfit and/or the liturgical season.Veiling can be awkward enough for me at times, so having a little fun with it helps get me excited over it.

I am not saying veiling is for everyone. It helps me, but it may not benefit you (or your wife, daughter, etc.). You need to experiment with prayer and Catholicism to find something new and different that helps you. If you have older children (ages 10+), help them experiment with their faith through praying the rosary, saying a novena, memorizing a new prayer, or attending Eucharistic Adoration... whatever it might be that is new to them. Whether it's a chapel veil, saying a rosary, attending daily Mass, or going to Confession more often, take time to discern how an extra step in your spiritual life can help you and your family members. Like me, I am sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Infants, Toddlers, and Mass Attendance

Parents know it's a crazy adventure taking a young child anywhere. There's the diaper bag, the bottles or snacks, the blanket, the toys, the car seat, the stroller, and then some. How parents of even 1 survive with a vehicle smaller than a minibus, I'll never know. Taking children to Mass to requires no less organization and planning, but it can require less gear than you might be thinking you need or are currently bringing.

It's important you start bringing your child to Mass each time you go as soon as possible. For most infants, this means within the first few weeks of life. Obviously, there are extenuating circumstances (premature infants or those with health problems who can't risk public exposure, etc.), but especially once your child is baptized you should really try to get him/her to Mass each week. This might seem difficult and stressful but with some simple tips, you should be able to make it easier on your family.

• Take your child's schedule into consideration. Attend Mass at a time when he/she is most likely to be already rested and fed. This is tougher with an infant, but will become more doable over time. It's also harder with several children on different schedules, but do your best. Flexibility is a huge part of being a parent and Mass attendance requires this flexibility. 
• Once your child begins potty training, hit the bathrooms before you leave the  house and as you enter the church. This will establish the habit that we don't leave the sanctuary during Mass (if at all possible).
• Sit up front. I know this is stressful for some folks and we know Catholics don't like the front pew, but this will be helpful for many reasons. As your child grows, he/she will want to see what's going on. Sometimes, I think children fuss because they cannot see or experience what is happening. Sitting in the first 5 pews or so allows your child to be close to the action. Feel free to sit near an aisle so you can escape quickly, if need be.
• Use cry rooms sparingly, if at all. Cry rooms are great and have their place. You never know when a child is going to start screaming uncontrollably and need a quiet place to regroup. Don't make the cry room a habit because then your child will have a much tougher time sitting through Mass as he/she grows. Go to the cry room when you cannot quickly/easily quiet your child. Return to Mass as soon as your child is ready.
• Narrate the Mass. At some point (I am guessing between the ages of 1-2), most parents start narrating things to teach their child and increase vocabulary. "We are walking past the blue house."  "Mom is making chicken for supper." We need to make this a part of Mass with our infant and toddler children. "We are hearing the First Reading." "Father Bill is giving the homily." "Mom and Dad are receiving Jesus in the Eucharist." Your child is likely to be less fussy and antsy if he/she knows what's going on as he/she grows. Plus, quiet whispering in the ear should keep them feeling engaged even if they don't understand what's happening. When you enter church, walk around, point things out, and teach them. 
• Participate. Your child will struggle to learn the prayers, responses, and songs if you never say them. Instead of singing/saying them aloud, whisper them to your child if you're holding him/her. I am confident children struggle to learn prayers because when we say them all together, they cannot discern the different words. If you whisper the prayers to them, they will focus more on your voice and begin learning the individual words. Case in point: until I was old enough to read, I was sure the words to the hymn "Glory and Praise to Our God" sang about "and alone gives thy do-or-days." This never made sense until I was old enough to use a hymnal and learned it was "and alone gives light to our days." 
• Pack light. Stick to one blanket or cuddly toy and a bottle (or breast-feeding cover). For infants, I recommend the doll be the Baptism Bear or the Loving Jesus Doll rather than just their normal teddy. For a toddler, consider finding their patron saint from Soft Saints. The more you pack when your child is young, the more they will expect snacks, toys, and distractions as they grow. Plus, having this special toy just for church will make it a relaxing, pleasant time. Of course, bring the diaper bag if you're expecting to have to change the little one and don't forget spit up rags and other essentials. Just leave out the rattles, books, and other things.

        Lest you think I'm crazy about how important Mass attendance is for these little ones, I'd like to point out that our own Holy Father agrees with me. I feel for those of you who have pastors who discourage little ones in the sanctuary during Mass. However, I think if you take these or similar steps, encourage your friends and family to do the same, we can show priests how these littlest parishioners do belong in Mass.

Failure?

Happy Easter! Alleluia! Christos voskrese! Voistinu voskrese! (Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!)

Parson my absence from this site. I really took some great time this Holy Week to attend many Masses and Church services (Chrism Mass, Mass of the Lord's Supper, Tenebrae, Easter Vigil, etc.) to help me immerse in the Triduum and spiritually prepare for a glorious Easter Season. Now, it's back to work for this blogger and educator.

This  post has been rolling around in my head for the past week and a half. I finally have the courage (and proper words) to share it. I have an 8 year-old niece who is preparing to make her First Communion on Sunday. I couldn't be more excited for her, but I had a really sad moment with her in the car about 10 days ago.

We were driving to her mom's house and used the 40 minute drive to blare some music. She was using my tablet and put on some country music she knew. I had to burst out laughing when she started singing about "drinking cheap wine". When I told her I was laughing at her singing about drinking, she said, "What? I'll be drinking it in two weeks!" I chuckled, turned down the radio, and decided to take advantage of this catechetical moment.

"Well, J, you know it isn't really wine. It's Jesus' Blood."- Aunt Kathy

"No, it's not."- J

"Yes, honey. It is. A miracle  happens every time we go to Mass. We don't know how it happens, but we know the bread changes to Jesus' Body and the wine becomes his Blood." -Aunt Kathy

"It does not." -J

"It looks like bread and wine. It tastes the same, but it's very different." Aunt Kathy

At this point, I decide to drop it. J is giving me annoyed looks and shaking her head. She has had a long, exhausting weekend. She is tired and cranky. She has to get up for school in 12 hours. Now is not the time to argue about transubstantiation.

I wait a few days and bring this to my mother's attention. Mom has been J's primary catechist (more on that later). Mom is a high school theology teacher with an M.A. in theology. She is floored when I tell her this. "We've had conversations about it, not just what's in her book. I was sure she understood it." Mom is used to working with older kids. I reassure her that this is very normal and she shouldn't feel bad. I just reiterate the importance to talk with her some more in the next week or two.

My brother has been in and out of the Catholic faith since he was a teen. Right now, he attends Mass but doesn't receive Communion or practice much beyond that. He is an amazing father who support J 100% on her faith journey. She was baptized as an infant, but only one of her godparents was Catholic. My sister doesn't attend Mass right now, so that leaves my parents and I to help J on her faith journey. My brother has always left it up to her: if she wants to keep studying the faith, she can. He will not force her to receive the sacraments.

J spends 5 days/week living in a very small town that's predominantly Amish and Mennonite. The nearest Catholic Church is about 20 miles from where she is. No one on her mom's side of the family practices any religion (to my knowledge). On the weekends, she is at my brother's and often spends about half that visit with my parents. There, she leads us in grace and attends Mass. Starting around the age of 5, she would point to the altar during the consecration and say, "When can I do that?"

We talked about waiting until 2nd grade. We showed her the photos of my siblings and I receiving First Communion. Since RE classes didn't fit with her visitation schedule, my mom began home schooling her for religious instruction beginning in 1st grade. She seemed to enjoy her studies.

This year was the big year. She received Reconciliation a couple of months ago. Last weekend she attended a retreat where she baked bread, make a craft depicting Real Presence, and practiced receiving Communion. All that, combined with her studies and regular Mass attendance and she's still fighting me on Real Presence. Sigh. My mom and I have failed her and the Church... or have we?

A few days before this discussion with J, I read this amazing blog post. I thought of my dad- a Byzantine Catholic who switched to the Roman Rite around age 7 or 8 when his parents made the decision to switch. He received all 3 Sacraments of Initiation as a child. I thought of those 3 years of J asking for when she could receive the Eucharist. Would she have ever doubted if we had just been able to say, "That's Jesus. Would you like to receive Him next weekend?"

I could go on for pages, but I won't. J is a little girl who loves going to Mass. When she received her Rice  Bowl, she emptied all 3 of her piggy banks (spend, save, and share- her tithing bank) into her Rice Bowl. Every time she earned money this Lent, she put all of it into her Rice Bowl. When the parish did a survey and wanted feedback from teens through adults, she spent nearly an hour trying to understand the survey and filling it out even though she's just a kid. She brought it to the pastor who agreed to take her feedback into account along with the adults of the parish because she cared so much. On Easter morning, she hustled everyone to the car in hopes of getting there in time to bring up the gifts. Her favorite song at Mass is the Alleluia. On Easter Sunday, when the opening chords of the organ rang out before the gospel, she leapt to her feet with a grin on her face, touched her hand to her heart, and sighed with contentment. So, do I have any doubt J is ready to receive Jesus in the Eucharist? No, I don't.

It took me a few days to get past this. I didn't fail J. My mom didn't fail J. The parish DRE didn't fail J. The Catholic faith failed her. Using traditional means of catechesis don't help children connect with Christ and the Sacraments. We teach to the head and not the heart. So, when I tried to speak to J's heart about the Eucharist, she just wasn't there. I think her head gets it. I don't want to insist on holding her back from the sacrament. I am sure she is not the only one who will be there next week who doesn't fully understand that Jesus is the Eucharist. I can only stand back and pray that she feels it. I can trust the sacramental graces to do their work and bring J closer to Christ.

So, what does this have to do with the purpose of First Catechists? I'm trying to show how tough it is to raise a child in the faith. J attends Mass flocked by two theologians and even we couldn't fully help her prepare for First Communion. She is only being exposed to the faith 2 days/week. She needs to live it and breathe it on a daily basis. We do our best with the time and resources we have. I am  proud that she wants to stay Catholic and wants to make First Communion. Our family will continue to do the best we can for J. I'll trust J.C. to do the rest.