Sacramental prep year

Now that school, homeschooling, and religious education are back in full swing, I imagine a good percentage of you have children receiving sacraments this year. Regardless of their age and whether it's First  Reconciliation and First Eucharist or Confirmation or all 3, I wanted to talk about what you can do to be an active participant in the experience.

Sadly, many parishes do not have programs, curricula, etc. in place that intimately involve the parents in the formal preparation for these sacraments. The bulk of prep will take place in the classroom and maybe there will be a retreat or a few other meetings/events/prayer services, but that's about it. I, myself, will be preparing twenty 8th graders at my parish for Confirmation using the new program Decision Point from The Dynamic Catholic Institute. My kids will go on a retreat, but most all the prep will be done in class. I am still discerning how I want to go about engaging the parents more after Christmas when we begin most of the formal preparation for Confirmation. I'll keep you posted as I go along!

Regardless of whether or not your parish has a lot of activities set up for you and your child to do together, this is a great time to make some extra time for your child. Regardless of which sacrament(s) your child is preparing for, here are some ideas.

If your child is around 2nd grade age you can:

• After Mass, have him/her draw a picture of the gospel and discuss that picture with him/her.
• Spend a few minutes each week talking with your child about the Eucharist. Have them ask their questions and if they don't know, research an answer and get back to them! 
• When your child is in trouble, use those moments to lovingly discuss Reconciliation and explain how important it will be for him/her to apologize to God as well so he/she can do better next time.  
• Work on memorizing prayer/songs like the Gloria or Nicene Creed. Learn 2-3 lines each week and discuss what they mean as you go.
• Go to Eucharistic Adoration. Even if it's just for 10-15 minutes once or twice a month, that special quiet time with your child in the Lord's Presence will benefit your entire family!
• Invite your priest for dinner. Have your child help prepare the meal. Ask your priest to tell you about his First Communion. (You could also do this with your child's catechist, DRE or a deacon at the parish.)
• Record some children's shows on EWTN and view them together. 
• Get a book of the saints and read about a saint together each night. Ask that saint to pray for your child. 
• Create a huge Eucharist collage on butcher paper. Start by gluing down an image of the Last Supper. Each week, add 1 or more new images: Catholic friends, family members, fellow parishioners, local clergy or religious, etc. If possible, use photos from their First Communions. Make sure to include saints and deceased relatives. Talk about how all these people are part of the Eucharist each and every week. Put the collage in your child's bedroom. Put a photo of your child somewhere in the house. Have that photo travel a few inches or feet closer to the Eucharist each week. It'll be a great visual countdown! The morning of their First Eucharist, they can move the photo onto the collage. 

If your child is closer to 8th grade you can:

• Read the readings (or just the gospel) before Mass and discuss it on the drive/walk to church.
• Make a Holy Hour once/month or so.
• Receive Reconciliation with him/her every 1-2 months. 
• Each week  pick a Gift or Fruit of the Holy Spirit. Discuss what it means, how to live it out, how you've experienced it that week, etc. There are 16 total, so after you've gone through each of them, go through them again. You can probably get through each one 2 or 3 times before Confirmation so they'll really get to comprehend how the Holy Spirit is active in his/her life.
• Pick 3 or 4 saints your son/daughter is interested in or might feel a connection to. Read about their lives together and/or read some of their writings. If your child is expected to pick a saint's name for Confirmation, this will help immensely with the decision process.

Regardless of the age of your child, as a family you can:

• Create a special prayer table or add special items to your current prayer table that will help remind everyone to pray especially for the child preparing. This could include: a photo of that child, his or her baptismal candle, or his/her artwork depicting the sacrament(s) being prepared for.
• Attend daily Mass once/week (in addition to Sunday and Holy Days)
• Attend Mass on the Feast Day of  your child's patron saint. 
• Find service projects to do as a family such as making cards for parishioners who are homebound, preparing a meal at a homeless shelter, or doing house or yardwork for an elderly neighbor. 

Don't get me wrong, many of these are suggestions I hope you might use at any time in your child's life. However, I know that during this special, holy, exciting year you may be looking to do something extra,  new or different. I hope my suggestions help! What things have you done at home or, if you're a catechist, what things have you suggested parents do at home, to help better prepare a child for the sacraments? 

Roles of Pastors, DREs, and Others

Pastors, DREs, deacons, catechists, teachers, and others definitely have a role in helping raise your child in the faith, but they are not to be the primary educator. How can they back parents and support them in their catechetical role? Would it surprise you to hear that many of the things they do, inadvertently, take away from the child's faith experience and formation rather than enhance it? Let's discuss...

How many of you belong to parishes that offer Children's Liturgy of the Word? These are programs that remove the children from the Mass- typically from the beginning of the homily until the Offeratory or so. They are typically taken to a location where they can discuss the scriptures or do activities relating to the readings. In theory, this sounds great: let's keep the kids from squirming during the homily, let's help them understand what's happening, and let's give their parents a break. This seems wonderful, doesn't it?Unfortunately, here's what often happens: kids don't learn to sit through Mass and are more antsy on weeks they do not have this opportunity. They also learn that whatever parts of the Mass they miss are non-essential and/or not for them. This attitude can only serve to harm them, spiritually, as they grow. Additionally, children are not as engaged as the grow older (and outgrow CLOW) because they have learned this part of Mass is boring and not for young people.

Pastors, we need to review our nurseries/cry rooms for this same reason. We need programs to help parents sit with their kids through the Mass. It can be done and done well if parents, pastors, and parish staff work together to come up with creative solutions. Kids look at the cry room as a reward for fussing during Mass. They need to be encouraged and invited to stay and participate in the Liturgy. If you have a cry room, it should have seats and nothing else- no toys, books, or other distractions. What about an adopt-a-grandparent program? Your parishes are full of elderly widows who have snuggled dozens of children and grandchildren over the years. Invite them to meet up with families with 2, 3, or more little ones to help them sit through the Mass. Often, parents could keep little ones situated if they just had one or two extra sets of hands. Or what about using this as a service hour opportunity for your teens?

My other major pet peeve is RE classes on Sunday morning. Whether it's during Mass times or sandwiched between Mass times, it typically creates a problem. During Mass times, we are telling parents to get rid of their kids and implying that class is more important than Mass attendance. Oh, we say this isn't the case. We tell the parents we expect them to attend Mass at a different time, but we know the majority aren't doing this. Why even make this a possibility? If you must have Sunday religious education (tight facility scheduling is often the reasoning as well as it being the only day students are free), do it in the late afternoons or evenings, separate from Mass times. This might seem like an inconvenience, but at some point we have to gently and lovingly guide parents to make RE a priority over other activities of the week.

I once worked at a parish where RE classes were sandwiched between 9 and 11 AM Masses. What a disaster! There was constant pressure to finish Mass in 55 minutes to get the students to class. Catechists who attended 9 AM Mass had no set up time and were rushing in the room at the same time as the kids. Many left after communion because Mass often ran a tad over an hour. We had 60 minutes for class, but catechists were lucky to get 40 minutes of teaching time. Around 10:15 you could finally start. We dismissed at 11 which meant those who attended the later Mass were forever wandering in late. It was awful for everyone: students & catechists, parents, etc. The worst part was the disruptions from the constant stream of kids and catechists coming in late for the 11 AM Mass. Please, please, please offer classes during the afternoons/evenings of the week and avoid the temptation to fall into the Sunday morning "convenience" routine.

Curriculum choice is an enormous struggle. I won't lambaste specific publishers here, but there are a number of curriculum that I won't touch with a 10-foot pole. They are either watered down, overly simplistic, teach to the head and not the heart, or are just poorly written. Let me list some of my favorite resources here:

• Catechesis of the Good Shepherd does a terrific job at spiritually reaching the kids where they are at. Love their program and cannot promote it enough.
• While I haven't used it yet, I am very intrigued by Our Sunday Visitor's Alive in Christ and think it could be an amazing program. I was planning to adapt it at my last parish after it had been out a year or two. I continue to hear wonderful things about it.
• There are too many to list here, but St. Mary's Press and Ascension Press have some amazing books, resources, and supplements I cannot live without. 
• Ignatius Press puts out a great curriculum which is very solid.
• I am smitten with the work of Matthew Kelly and the Dynamic Catholic Institute. I write my own sacramental prep curricula, but I think his could prove to be outstanding. I am eager to preview their Confirmation and other prep programs as they are released. 

I see the role of the pastors, DREs, and others to truly discern what parents need and support them.  They need to pray on, discern, and explore long-term implications of the programs they offer. If programs look convenient but will not be best for the spiritual needs of the kids, the pastor and DRE need the backbone (and support) to make tough decisions such as eliminating programs, changing times, etc. These changes needn't happen overnight, but if your community works together and doesn't always resort to the easiest solution, real spiritual benefits can happen for families and change can start in the hearts of your youngest parishioners.

Pastors and parish staff also need to catechize parents, particularly from the period of baptism through First Communion. Parents need tools, ideas, help and resources to raise their children in the faith. They need the parish to reach out to them after baptismal prep and prior to enrolling in 1st grade for school/RE. They need to support parents in attending parish programs by offering child care during formation opportunities as often as possible. More parents would come if it were offered as a "night out" opportunity with wine, snacks, and free baby sitting!

Well formed parents are well formed primary catechists. Well formed primary catechists will help your parish make changes that keep the family together for Masses and make Mass the #1 priority of the week. Don't make sudden changes your parish isn't ready for. Improve adult education about the Mass and gently lead parents to see Children's Liturgy of the Word as nonessential. Build programs that allow older widows in the parish to sit with the parents of six kids to help hold babies and soothe cranky toddlers. The need for nurseries will diminish as families experience the joy of peacefully worshiping together. Find RE options that make Sunday morning RE unnecessary.